Every dream that I ever had, you're that and so much more

I had to work it out, I had to throw away my doubts, I'll be everything you need and every part of me is yours. Your love has set me free, this hearts free to be, everything you need. Everything I'll be. Your patient love, you gave you stuck, and now I'm ready.

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. One of my favorite statements and one of the most true. What is with people and making plans anyways? Life is unpredictable, people have agency, they will let you down or surprise you when you didnt think they would come through. Life is choices, thats it. Sometimes my choices break hearts while others set me free.

I expect that life will continue to place fork after ever lovin fork in the road and I will have to choose which way to go. I imagine that Frost and I discussed this poem at some point in my former life.. .

. The Road Not Taken


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


So much of my life is changing in the next year and so much of me wants to come back to everything just as it is now, and yet more of me knows that life is change. Nothing will be the same as it is right now in this very moment. Hayley, you fear commitment he says, you will never settle. Maybe he is right. Maybe I fear less than perfect. Maybe I fear less than everything I have ever dreamed of. Dreams are never crimes.



I imagine that I have been in that very yellow wood that Frost knows so well. I've been there and I don't plan to ever leave. So far this path has been my friend. I've had moments where the sun drips like honey all around me, and other days where the path has been totally washed away and I had to guess which way to go. Other days, woods have been alive with familiar faces to keep me company, to ease the silence that weighs down on me, or to just listen as we walk down the path.

I'll come to a place in the road where it forks off in a dozen directions as far as the eye can see. A sign post at the edge of my trail catches my eye. A dozen arrows point every way, the destinations all the same : WHEREVER YOU WANT. As I contemplate the curious sign, I realize I am not alone in this clearing.

A man sits just at the base of the sign pole, head down peering between his knees.
"Excuse me," I say approaching the man timidly. He looks up startled to hear another voice, almost imediately his shock melts into a smile. He says nothing just laughs quietly to himself shaking his head. He stands and and wipes the dirt from his pants.
I want to ask why he is laughing but I know I don't need to.
"Took you long enough," He says cupping my face in his hands, "bout put my bum to sleep."
I open my mouth to protest and he cuts me off pointing a finger directly into my face, "But I knew that, didn't I."
" Have you been alone this whole time?" I ask peering into his still smiling face.
"Heaven's no little girl. It's been packed up until the last...... while."
"And you have just been sitting here since they all left?"
"Sitting? Never sitting. I was working, getting ready for you."
"What have you been working on?" I ask peering around the clearing expecting some project to appear out of the foliage along the trails.
" Same thing as everyone, I suppose."
"Which is....?" I prod when he fails to continue.
"Unimportant." He sees the look of confusion wrinkle my face.
"Everyone else had their someone. A million times they said, she's not coming, skip out with us." He laughs sitting back down on the ground and patting a spot beside him. I move and sit down, our legs resting side by side.
"But I knew better. I said, you don't know her like I do. She'll be here when she is ready."
"It was a very LONG walk." I smile pointing and flexing my toes feeling my muscles stretch.
He sits smiling at me for what seems like an hour.
"How did you know it was me you were waiting for?" I ask quietly.
"So where to now?" I ask peering around at the dozens various trail heads.
"I have my someone, so wherever we want."

Love List Numero Uno

So on Studio 5 ( the show I intern at) we have this little thing called love lists. Every month or so we come out with a list of things we love- obvious right? Here is my love list right now. I know this is useless info but sleep sounds so boring....

1. Parker Daniels. I just love him. He's basically amazing in every way. He is always prepared, always cheesy and always makes me happy.

2. Hadley Faith Brown. My Niece is 3.5 as of yesterday and could easily be a personified angel. Freak she is cute!!

3. Tropical Snow- their snowcones use the fine fine ice that melts on your tongue. Delicious!!

4. Shake It- the song by Metro Station

5. King Benjamin from the BOM. Talk about one studly example of a great leader. We can thank him for the reminder of "When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God."

6. Self check-out at the library. I go to the library like once a week. If anyone needs some good books I have a list.

7. My Oreo Bundt Cake recipe. Could give the Costco chocolate cake a run for its money. I will bake it for you if you want.

8. Dinner Group: My friends are just a joy to be around, even if they all sold out on me and married before 21..... but really. Those are my favorite nights.

9. Ben Blaker originals. I can't help it, I love his songs, the fact that a majority of them had something to do with me is besides the point.... but a nice detail. Pretty sure "You're beautiful, so beautiful...." is always in my head.

10. Aaron Echart. If you have seen Batman, No Reservations or Meet Bill, he is the studly blonde in all of those films. He stole Gotham's heart and mine.

11. The Dark Knight. Totally creepy, totally amazing. RIP Heath. I hope you get a lot of awards even if you are dead. "Why So Serious?" Despite the fact that Christian Bale seems to have gone through double puberty in this film, still loved it. Still think we should all stick it for Heath.

12. Jon Dalton cuz I got to see him last week!! FACE FOREVER!

I must learn patience....

I turned in my paper 9 days ago.....9.... and I still have yet to meet with the Stake president.... I am GOING INSANE! I just want to get out there! So much to do and so little time. I cant shake this sense of urgency that I have, its like if i dont go fast I will never go. Where is the faith in that? I know, I know, all in God's time but its proving hard to get on the same page.....
Another sign of God's sense for humor: today Parker tells me he is probably going to Utah State now. What?! I freak, you cant go to Utah State without me. Thats my school, my home and you choose to go NOW? Now that I am leaving! Talk about torture. So now the 2 people I love most will be in Cache Valley while I am off being amazingly spiritual. Not a bad trade I know, but still hard to chew.
This phase of life is proving just as interesting as my last chapter but I think I might fare better this time because I have some faith on my side. Man I love my religion. I love to talk about my religion. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints- is that beautiful or what? Even if you dont buy into my beliefs you have to admit its nice to think about-
- I believe I get to be with my family and friends FOREVER. Its not goodbye, just see you soon.
- I believe I have guidance from a prophet just for this day and age- someone who knows God even better than me
- I never have to feel alone because I believe I can talk to God whenever I want and he listens to me
- I feel happy and hopeful because of my beliefs
- I believe God has a plan for me. One I understand when I am listening for it.
-I believe when I die, I get to be with the ones I love and especially with God somewhere amazingly lovely!
- I believe bad things happen to good people. Those trials help us grow. There is purpose in everything.
- I am most happy when I remember and stand up for these beliefs

I want to serve for many reasons, here is just one: The Gospel makes me happy. I want others to be happy.

I am just one voice, but one voice can carry far.
He was just one voice, but one voice that changed the earth.
One but not alone, a thousand voices sing,
praises to on high, of our Master and our King.
With one voice.
One Voice.

On my mind....

I havent blogged for some time. I dont really have time as I am on break at work so I will talk fast.... I just miss hearing myself write....

Anywho, a few additions to the Summer Playlist 08:

1. I kissed a girl- the first time i heard this song I thought- this is the epitome of society at its downfall- alas I like the song although it is society failing.
2. Thanks for the Lemonade- who sings this song? No idea but love it!
3. Anything by the Director particularly "Alive."
4. Ryan Shupe's 1000 times- its an oldie but man... he's good
5. Paul Cardall's randition of I love to see the temple from his Primary Worship album

Next:
I am having a particularly awesome week. I worked alot, things are falling into place for my 2 segments for Studio 5. One airs on August 4, the other on August 28. I will let you know more later.

I went out with my home teacher this week. The fulfillment of an age old stereotype made this adventure all worth it. I loved it for that reason alone. It doesnt hurt that he is tall blue-eyed and entirely eccentric either.

Pretty fun week with the Blaker coming to town. It was awesome to have another Ben Blaker guitar session last night. What a talented kid. I missed POL more than ever as Ben played some of my favorite musical gems.

I realized just how amazing my friends really are. How lucky I am to have them and how bad I am going to miss them. We all leave for seperate parts of the world this summer and who knows when I will see them again, if ever. We are growing up. We may outgrow eachother but we also may learn to stretch and grow together. I will hold on to this hope for the time being and hope reality agrees.

Time is up at work. I get to see Ju this weekend for the first time in maybe 3 months and I cant wait!! Until later.