So this blog started out as a blog for work but I've decided I am going to keep it up so the few people in the world who care what I am up to can read it. Blogs seem to be the trend for the newly married folks in the world, but why outcast the not- quite married kids as well?
Midnight tonight marks my 21 birthday. A friend of mine commented that birthdays are a great time to reflect on the past. This past year in particular has been one that I will never forget, though at times i will wish to.
This is the first birthday I recall actually feeling the influence of my age. 20 is still cute, with room for error based on naievity and pure stupidity. By 21 however, we are adults, we know what is right and wrong and we have no excuses. With this newfound mantle of adulthood, I am both excited and terrified.
The things I will never forget about age 20:
Kevin Thomas Dawson. That sums up my whole year alone. Every thought, wish, dream, plan, fear and pain I have felt this year revolves around that man. Right now I sturggle to see the beauty in all of this, my heart is broken. This would be perhaps the first time. Someday, when it doesnt hurt to breathe anymore I will remember only the good; the beautiful smile, the roses at random times, his innabilsity to keep a secret, his ambition for all things good, a kiss that takes my breath away, flying kites,feeling more love than I think I will ever have in my whole life. Being 100% myself with him. Breaking my own heart and letting him go. Watching him marry someone else. Attempting to feel happy for his joy, but feeling my heart break all over again. The bitter-sweet moments, when everything, my table, a smell, my very face remind me so much of him. Moving forward.
JP. She is my roomate and I love her so much. She's been the one constant friend in Logan. She is good for a laugh,pure stupidity or the deepest level of understanding and curiosity I can imagine. The poor girl has been stuck in the middle of what feels like a divorce and she has never once complained or picked sides. I wish I were more like her, and since we are clones, its pretty close.
Colorado. 2 of my greatest friends and best memories hail from that state. Ryan and Josh have meant the world to me this year. Not only are they amazing men, but they remind me of my strengths as they have been nearly impossible to find.
My religion. God and I have had our battles this year. I dont take no for answer very well. I am still learning humility and to trust in Him, but I know he is there for me no matter what is going on in my life. I have felt it and I know it. I wont forget that my prophet died this year too. I cried for a good 20 mins even though I know he deserves a break. I love that man. I will forever revere him and admire his legacy.
Really 20 for me has been one big learning experience. At times I have felt like Job, the trials have just come in ceaseless waves but so have the lessons and the blessings. I am better prepared for the future because of the past year of my life. I hope that 21 brings more opprotunity to grow, a chance to heal, the courage to move forward and the peace to forgive.
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