Trying to find somthing

Every year I get a little bit older I find that I am more confused about who I am and what I want to be. Isnt that a little backward? Suddenly I find that I am grown up and must stop saying "when I grow up I am going to..." because I am there. That time is now and I am still lost. If children become grown-ups, what can grown-ups become??

Since I currently have no idea what I am doing with life I think I will make a list of things I am borderline obsessed with and see if I can mesh them together to make a career or some sense of direction for myself.

My Future In a Nutshell

1. I abseloutely love Harry Potter. That book series is the most ingenious thing I have ever beheld. How can one writer possibly come up with so many characters, details and bits of history, mythology, etc. and make it flow through seven books? I'm really Rowling is half writer, half genius. I could talk the details all day but I wont.

2. Anything Ryan Shupe. Music, his mandolin and fiddle, the concert at Thanksgiving Point, creating my own line of Shupe merchandise that he doesnt but should sell ( ask about my 1,000 Times Tee and other ideas) and improving my already impressive attendence record- 37th show this saturday.

3. Multi-Cultural authors or books especially the Middle East such as my all time favorite- "The Kite Runner." Fiction or non-fiction the culture and history of Pakistan, Afganistan, India etc, is so rich, so unique I can't help but be fascinated by it.

4. Baking different kinds of chocolate cake. In the past few months I have made 4 kinds of chocolate cake. What a fascinating medium to explore, cake and I love chocolate.

5. CSI Las Vegas. Oh Griss how I love thee. Gil Grissom is my all-time favorite television character. He's brilliant, witty and unique. He is admired by his friends and his enemies. He proves himself and all the other CSI's even when he cant hear a word they are saying. And lets be honest, the unspoken but oh so obvious Sara/ Grissom love is enticing.

6. MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC
Lately I love- Lady Antebellum, TJ McCloud, Metro Station, Josh Gracin, Joshua Radin, The Color Fred, Kalai, Jack Hody Johnson, Hellogoodbye and Sam Payne. Check them ALL out. A musical cornicopia is a must have for all humanity. The art of music has failed if one can simply categorize themselves as a fan of country or hip hop. All music should be appreciated for what is brings to the listener, how it adds to their identity and helps them to become or understand who they are. There is no genre capable of doing all that.

7. The Book of Mormon. What a cool gift that book is. I could read it 300 times and still find application for my life. There is such a power when you read it, it just lifts the soul and inspires curiosity. The BOM is depth and simplicity in harmony. Read it and think about it often and you will see what I mean. If your whole life is not better for having read it you can kick me in the head for every word in that sacred book. There are so many promises and tools within the pages, Id even venture to say that it surpasses Harry Potter and the Kite Runner in awesomeness and ingeniousness. (That cant be a real word!)

8. Snowcones. I have talked of snowcones before so I will be brief. Delicious ice flakes, drenched in tropical sugar water.... eat one and it will make you happy, in fact it will make you so happy you wont even care that you spilled half of it down your shirt as it melts.

9. My family. Sitting in a circle talking favorite memories about my dad for fathers day. A lesson on the blessings of the temple. Hadley being in love with Parker. Kohner as a 2 year old saying everything with a German accent, Ikey thinking school is "Damn Good!" Seeing Jake holding his son barely seconds old. My mother being the best thing I will ever have. Being terrified as my father seems to age before my eyes, forgetting things, not hearing things. Hoping beyond hope that my brother will remember who he is and come back. Laughing so hard I cant breathe because I have the funniest family in the whole world. So thankful we are eternal and I get to come home to them again.

10. Late night conversations with JP. How we can seamlessly move between the hillarious and the sacred, our greatest fears and proudest accomplishments. Laughing at everything because we can. Admiring her for being so much stronger and braver than anyone I have ever met. Lucky to have her as my best friend. My HSLM. Seeing everything I ever wish to be and knowing I can because she believes in me. Hoping I help her to be a better person. Wishing I could repay her. Knowing I never can.

11. String Cheese. Nothing even needs to be said.

12. Watching really lame movies in the middle of the day alone in my parents basement with all the lights on. This is my favorite down-time ritual. I love a snack, a drink and a really terrible looking film picked up from the library. I dont know why I do it, but its kind of my thing. I dont get it.

13. Recalling memories. I love my memories. I love journals, scrapbooks, facebook albums, old text messages and emails. Anything that takes me back to a different time, many great memories, some terrible, many pointless, few life-changing. I could think about lifes adventures or talk about them with a friend for hours on end and never grow faint. I love a good battle of "Remember when...."

14. Anything having to do with Utah State University or Cache Valley. I love it all. My blood runs aggie blue and that will never change. How lucky I am to have gone to school there. That is where my heart is. It is who I am. I want to see USU do well, to thrive, to open doors and inspire possibilty in others as it has done for me. I want people to go there and find themselves, to be changes for the better, to make it their own. To be as happy as I have been.

Go Blue or Go Home!!

I am a person of habit. I have compulsive ways in which I live my life- the order I put in and take out my contacts, the specific width and weight of my favorite writing pen, my borerline unhealthy love of Ryan Shupe music, Dr. Pepper and string cheese.





I often as myself if perhaps I am getting predictable and boring because I love the same things over and over again. It takes me only a moment to realize I really don't care. There is one place I find myself returning to over and over always losing and re-finding myself. Cache Valley is a place, but for me is has also become a symbol for me; A symbol of my happiest moments, my greatest struggles, where I know I can always come back and it will feel like home.





I got to back to Logan this weekend for the first time since I left in May and my welcome could not have been anymore beautiful. It was dusk as I rounded the last hill that would open my view from Providence to Preston. The sky was pink and warm and off in the distance the "A" shone blue. I was home.

I was happy to spend some time with my best friend in the world JP and my old and dear friend Melissa. It was bittersweet to spend time in the apartment that JP and I were supposed to share, starting the traditons and memories we could have made together. But I feel lucky to have been included even for a few days.

This weekend was also the first time I got to see Justin Schmidt since his return from his mission a few weeks ago. Justin was one of my best friends my first year at USU. I will always love our scooter gang, "Fandango!" and laughing almost all the time. I wondered if we both had changed too much to remeber our former bond. Nothing has changed. He still makes me laugh more than any other person, he is still one of the best conversationalists I know. He still makes me happy. How did I get so lucky

to know so many amazing people?





Anywho, the weekend was rad complete with hippie tie die, an 80's dance, a pfzookie from firehouse, latenight stupidity and priceless conversations with JP, a bonfire and some sweet

impromtu olympics. Best of times

where the sagebrush grows!

Mien Hovercraft ist voller aale!

GERMANY!!


(My hovercraft is full of eels! ) and other useful German phrases I get to learn.....

Sister Hayley Jensen has been called to serve for a period of 18 months to the Hamburg Germany, German speaking mission.

Well after all of this waiting it finally came! My mission call came and well.... it is totally awesome!! I never figured Europe for even a second let alone German! As you can tell by my excessive use of exclamation points I am just a little bit excited!!

I report to the Provo MTC on Wednesday October 22, 2008. I hope to have some sort of sweet shin dig before I go and a farewell talk. Anyone that can come should, I'd love the support!

Forgoing tradition I chose not to have people over to open my call. In Draper the mail comes late in the day typically around 3 or 4 so I helped my mom at the school until about 3 and then made my way home. I assumed the mail would come at 4 but thought I'd check the mail just in case. I opened the box and there it was.... the infamous white envelope.

Needless to say I was tearing into the envelope on my driveway. Eventually I made it to the living room where I read the place and the language. After a moment of shock I read the whole beautiful letter.
Amazingly I didn't really cry. In fact, I laughed. I could not have foreseen Germany in ten million years but what a pleasant shock! For a girl who has never left the United States, a year in beautiful Europe is not too bad!

So far what I know about GERMANY:

- Hamburg is the 2nd largest city in Germany ( behind Berlin)
-It is a huge sea port
- The Hamburger originated here
- It has temperatures ranging from 80 in June or July to the negatives in January/February..... sounds alot like Logan, Utah.... Ironic!
- In German, W sounds like a V

Hopefully I will learn more in the coming weeks and years. For now I am excited and anxious to learn. I believe that I was called where I was for a reason. I look forward to doing the work that I have come to love, I look forward to losing myself in the service of my Heavenly Father. I know that with his help I can be an aid in the gathering of scattered Israel.

Go Forth With Faith
Serve With Valor
Return With Honor

Drewdles Returns and other things I was not prepared for...

Drew and I 2006

I can't believe that my final friend is home from the mish! Andrew got back yesterday from 2 years in Cuernavaca, Mexico. He called me right after he got released, funny kid. I thought he had been home a few days but he was just taking off his tag as we spoke!

Needless to say I am SO SO SO excited for him to be home. Drewdles has been one of my best friends since I was 16 and he is probably the most selfless person I have ever met. The first time I met Drew it was like seeing an old friend after years apart, like we already knew each other's lives and needed no introduction. He gave me everything, his friendship, his black-faced relic watch, his heart. All of which I took for granted. All of which I will spend the rest of my life trying to re-earn.

He forgave me.
It is I who still cannot forgive myself.

I went to him homecoming today and saw a man on that stand. I saw a man who finally knew that he is a son of God, that the Gospel has the power to change, to heal, to make whole. I saw a man, confident and unafraid Where a self-conscious boy once was. My heart seemed to explode with a love that has been neglected for so long. What a beautiful creation that man is. If only I had seen that when I was 16.

My heart aches, but more than that ache I am filled with awe, that a loving Heavenly Father would bless me with friends who would see passed my all-too- common selfishness. Bless me with friends who would still care for me even when I have failed each and every one of them.

I am undeserving

I am so proud of you Drew, so proud. You are a far better man than anyone has ever given you credit for. You are my example, my friend.

It seems I am never ready for the great epiphany's of my life. I did not expect Andrew to walk into Jenna's living room one night, I did not plan to go to Utah State, or serve a mission. I was not ready for any of it, so what if I had been ready? Where would my path have gone or be now? Would so many casualties lay in my wake, so many broken hearts to pay the cost of my life lessons? Would the ache in my chest and the fear of the future cease to exist? How I wish...

My good friend Benjamin once said that mistakes can be beautiful. I hope that this is true because I rarely get things right the first time. I hope that the actions of my future will heal the wounds of my past for those involved. For me.

The Eternal Perspective..... waiting for the call!

If I am lucky my mission call is currently sitting in some cart in some post office to be delivered to my house this very day! If I am unlucky, which is common, I have another week to sit and contemplate possible mission destinations. Hope for today!

My thought of the day is short and simple. The Eternal Perspective.
As I have waited (very patiently I might add) for my mission call, it has seemed like a very long process. In reality it has been maybe a month since I actually decided to go on a mission. In the Eternal Perspective, this waiting and the 18 months that I will serve, are essentially not even a blink in my existence. The amazing thing is what we gain during our waiting time or our journey.
I look forward to the next 1.5 years of my life. I have a feeling they will be the most influential and valuable years yet. I have no doubts that my work as a student, employee and most of all wife and mother, will benefit from my time spent in service to the Lord. How short and simple it seems to give up 18 months when compared to the eternal gifts that may come.
How I wish that I viewed my life and the choices I make more often with an eternal eye, than with my human impatience. I think this is one aspect of God that is so amazing. He rarely just hands us things and living in a drive-through world makes His way so frustrating at times. Yes McDonald's is crazy fast and convenient, but is it any good? No!
You mothers Sunday roast has been cooking since 8 am and its now 6 pm. Is it delicious? Of Course!! Worth the wait and work? Of Course! If only I had an always eternal eye to see things for the here and now to grow, but the distant eye to perceive potential.

I have also been reading the BOM more often then ever before... what a cool book. I have always believed it to be a good and true book, but it is truly taking the counsel to feast that has made it so much more real to me. I crave time to read it. Oh how I hope that craving only grows!

There is so much good from the Gospel, I feel privilege to know that and to be able to share it. Good better best. That's all I'm selling. Best.

I'm anxious for the mail to come. Whatever my call, I hope to do well. Thanks everyone for the love and support. I know I get preachy and annoying but why not share what we know? There is no answer to that question!

YSA Summit and Noah's Big Day!

So this weekend I decided I needed to have an adventure. Parker was at a family reunion so I didn't really have many plans. I decided to go to a YSA Summit at the University of Utah. Friday night I ventured (alone haha) up to see Kalai play. I was determined to force myself out of my comfort zone and make some new friends.
Needless to say, it is scary being ALL alone with a couple hundred strangers. Nevertheless, it was not long until I met Fabio. Fabio is an amazing Brazilian who had the guts to strike up a conversation with me. He was awesome to talk to and introduced me to some of his friends. It was so fun!
Saturday my nephew Noah was baptized by my father. It was a special experience to see a young boy testing out for the first time, his faith in a loving Heavenly Father. Although he is young, I know Noah could tell that being baptized was important and that it would make him feel happy and good. I admire his faith and example. I could not have more love for anyone than I do for my nieces and nephews. I hope that Noah remembers how much God loves him and will support him throughout his life.
After that I was able to go back to the U and take a few classes. I took one on feeling the promptings of the Holy Ghost and another on dealing with the trials of life. It is very nice to feel the spirit in the middle of the day on a saturday. For some of you that may be old hat, but for me that is rare and it was so nice. The Summit is essentially EFY for big kids as I call it. It made me miss my days at EFY, where I not only got to flirt with many cute boys, but where I truly can say that I began to understand my Heavenly Father. It is there that I learned to recognize the Holy Ghost testifying truth to me. It is those first feelings that I have turned to time and time again when I have been filled with doubt in my life.
Saturday night I met up with an old friend from highschool, Milena. She is one amazing girl. Being around her is so comfortable and fun. Together, with some other gals, we went back to the U for a dance/ carnival. We had a blast dancing, playing games and meeting new people. I also got to spend some more time with Fabio and his friend Ken. Amazingly, Milena is also from Brazil so I had fun listening to Fabio and her speak in Portuguese for some time.
I think its so beautiful when people speak in another language. It makes me wonder if I will get to learn another language in the coming weeks. We will find out Wednesday if all works out, because that is when I should get my mission call!! Am I nervous?? Actually, no, not really. I may be when I see that I am speaking Swahili in the jungle.... until then... pure excitement!

Someday I will have 2 dogs

Someday I am going to have two dogs, one named Nargini (after Voldemorts snake in Harry Potter) and the other named Bruce (after Bruce Wayne aka batman). People seem to like Bruce but not so much Nargini. Sure the snake is pure evil, but it is also powerful, devoted and brave. Bruce- well batman is the man, hes brave, creative, wealthy,smooth and totally studly. Makes sense to me. That was just a thought.
Well my days at KSL are coming to an end. My Kindergarten Countdown segment aired on Wednesday and I must say it was cute! Not life altering in anyway but still a nice rookie piece. My mom and teacher we charismatic and fun and I cannot thank them enough for their help and insight. I am a little sad to leave Studio 5 now that I am getting the hang of things and starting to find my place. The other side of me is still unsure if broadcast journalism is the job I'd go to work for free for.
I am still waiting for my soul to recognize the work that I am meant to do. Reslife has been the collegiate equivalent of that for me. I would go to work for free any day if it meant working with RHA,IACURH or RA stuff. Fall training begins this saturday and my chest literally aches at the thought that I will not be there. Don't get me wrong, training is boring as sin most days, but I'd sit through it for 50 years if it meant being with my friends, the pro-staff who I have come to see as family- Rich and Megs, Brit. I will most likely take a day or two and hit Logan just to fill, even for a day, the void I have had since choosing this next path.
I was hesitant to join housing in the first place. In fact, I was terrified and now I just cant see me, without it. I hope this next adventure does the same- begins as a scary mystery, slowly morphing into pure passion and love. What is the God if not passionate and loving?
I miss Utah State. What a blessing my education has been. You will find no one with more pride than me for their school. I see old main and my heart swells, I hear the too familiar Scotsman and my arms raise to the sky, I see the A license plate and recognize a symbol of my home. This was where I was meant to go, I knew that the moment I stepped on the beautiful grounds. I cannot wait to go home again.
I am struggling with my decision to go on a mission right now. I know its the right thing to do. I feel a burning in my chest when I think about it. But it will not be easy to leave my life behind. This is one of those moments where I go forward with faith, to serve with diligence and hopefully return to something better than I left. Missionaries are promised blessings for faithful service and I will do my best to deserve those blessings.
There I times I wonder if I am strong enough to do this and I probably am not alone. But lucky for me God has a bigger plan than I could ever think of. I am relying on him to lead me forward. Once I actually have my call I hope to feel a greater sense of purpose instead of watching everyone else go back to school and move forward with life. Its supposed to be hard I guess, I just hope the passion I felt when I first made the choice, will continue to sustain me. My resources are running low but when you know, you just do and that is my plan. I know I have so much to gain, but what I am losing is very close to me too. Which will be better?? Time will tell.