word vomit

Post #2: 10 things about you people don't really expect

2012-01-23T20:00:00.000-08:00

1. My ultimate hero growing up was Karl Malone, #32 of the Utah Jazz. Best ball player ever (next to MJ). Not only did I admire him, but I thought for sure that I would either become him, or be adopted by him. Either way... Winning.

2. My parents own a preschool... but I really don't care for kids at all unless they my blood relatives or best friends children. Love of little kids is NOT genetic.

3. I got my first kiss at 18

4. I can name every country in Africa...in order. I believe there are 38.

5. My #1 goal in highschool was to manage the boys wrestling team. I got the job but chose other activities instead. I still wish I had done it.

6. I am a major fan of Jimmer Ferdette.

7. I prefer to walk on the right side of whoever I am with or I feel off balance. I dated someone who was deaf in his left ear and the habit stuck.

8. I cannot move the toes on my left foot independent of each other. They are basically paralyzed. I was born that way.

9. I can name almost any song and artist on the radio within the first 2 notes.

10. I will not support legislation that prohibits gay marriage until I can answer the question, "When did you decide you were heterosexual?"

Challenge: A post a day

2012-01-16T20:21:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine had a 30 day challenge with prompts to post each day. I realize that the month is half over...but I want to write, therefore I do. So, consider this post one for the next little while. I wont promise to post daily, but I will get through the 30 prompts....just watch.

Post #1: Things that make you scared

Everything.

Seriously. I have an abnormal amount of fear. If you know me, you know that this statement is sad but true. For example, on the Lady Bug Drop at Lagoon... its like a ten foot ride that drops you. It is intended for small children... I gripped the security belt like death and screamed the whole way down. Meanwhile, my niece who was 3 turned to me and said, "Hayley, it isnt scary, put your hands up, like me!" She then proceeded to chatter away and giggle with her arms in the air. Eventually she saw that I had not released my death grip and said, "Ok I will just hold your hand."

There is something very wrong with that picture. I am the adult, I comfort her. So besides my pathetic fear of rides or anything that moves for that matter, I will expound on one or 2 more.

Serious relationships with the potential to end in marriage.

Stress me out. It is not so much the relationship I fear, nor someone loving me for a very long time. I fear me and MY ability to truly say I am in this, for good, for bad, for ....Eternity. I wonder if it is possible to truly grow and change and do so together. I fear losing connection, intellectual stimulation... I fear. Yet, I love to be in said relationships. I take them seriously and have had nothing but consistently wonderful, long-term relationships since I was old enough to date. Yet I am not brave. Puzzle.

Big Dogs

I am not a very big girl, therefore large animals that easily weigh double my weight and are a foot taller than me on their hind legs... Ahhhhh! Once I get to know the dog then I am fine, but that first time....so freakin scared. Ironically my favorite dog is a Chocolate Lab....can anyone say... good luck? I know. I am in for a treat. This fear is logical... as well as familial....I grew up with 3 corss-eyed cats that feared humans, therefore my contact with animals was pretty much non-existant.

At the end of the day, I am not usually someone people call brave. But I like to think I am brave in my own way. I do not take counsel from my fears.

Some people fear love. I have loved, been loved and will continue to do so, knowing very well that I might end up the bad guy, or the one crying in the bathroom because he chose her, not me. I don't regret that.

Some people fear public speaking. I love my own voice. I think my opinions are valid, educated, witty, insightful, inspiring, carefree, intentional. Worthwhile. I hope to always have a voice to speak, the passion and tools to empower others to do so as well, and an open ear to hear those wanting to do the same.

Some people fear inadequacy. To them I steal the words of someone who said it better:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

An old story I cant seem to shake

2011-10-19T20:21:00.001-07:00

I used to write things, stories, poems, ideas. And then I stopped. I don't know why. I suppose it is because I feel that stories have their own agenda.... Perhaps they understood that I was in Europe and would not be thinking of them for a long time. Perhaps they felt abandoned, replaced. Even now I find it hard to hear them calling me. Perhaps they have stopped doing so. Perhaps I can regain their trust and they will share themselves with me.

And then there is this piece, which has quietly haunted me since its inception sometime between 2005-2007. For a long time I thought this was the seed that would blossom into greatness, but I do not know. So much of me longs for this story to begin, so it can end. It needs closure just as badly as I do, but I do not know how or what story to tell. Perhaps if I share it, it will come back to life for me and I will know what to do. Please not that this is complete WordVomit... no drafts, not even spell check. I just wrote and this is what came out so be patient with the choppy inconsistencies.

At one point I called this story "Jack and Jill".

Here goes.

Its like I dreamed it all up, him talking to me again. Like I am the crazy one for thinking he actually went anywhere. He’s just here, I can hear him in the bathroom, humming while he pees, like he does every morning. The sliver of light from the bathroom door falls across the carpet to the bed where I lay, red clock digits read 6:06 reminding me that the worm is his and I let him have it.

I always go through 3 alarms before I can even open my eyes. He is up by some internal alarm that his body has heard since he was 16. I have spent many a Sunday trying to keep him between the sheets. No matter the begging, cunning and pure seduction I impose on him, he is up and down the hall like a bullet, I spent so much of my adolescents dreaming of the romantic man who would lay in bed just to watch me sleep, I laugh now at the cruel irony, that it is I who watch the man who never sleeps.

We both like orange juice. If we forget every reason we are together now, Orange juice will save us.Orange juice will be the one thing we agree on until our deaths. We like the carton kind with the little blue lid and the oranges on the container, looking so moist and fresh, as if taunting you to just nibble at the carboard, because it really is fruit. Everyone wants to try that, don’t pretend like you haven’t wished that. Anyways. Juice, with lots of pulp, he likes a drink you can chew.

Breakfast is something we mutually understand, it is Switzerland. It is the time of day where we seamlessly work. He has eaten before I even get up but still he sits at the table, sometimes he reads, other times he just sits and thinks. He doesn’t sit for just say 5 minutes and then heads for work, he sits for 1 sometimes 2 hours. I have no idea what he ponders in those moments, they are his and I don’t ask. I eat cereal. That’s all I can handle at 8 in the morning.

“I’ll never understand how you eat that snap crackle crap,” he says

“I don’t get why you stole Paris Hilton’s pansy dog.” At this his jaw clenches, eventually relaxes and he says, “You want more juice?” filling my cup without waiting to hear my answer, stopping just as the juice hits the rim of the glass.

I make fun of his dog, he over-fills my orange juice and smiles snidely as I gingerly sip it down to a manageable amount. So I lied about Switzerland. Truth be told, we have never been to Switzerland and I don’t think we ever will.

He gets self-conscious about his work sometimes. He tells people that he is en route to becoming a professor, a life seeker of knowledge. He and I are the same in this respect, he describes teacher using 17 adjectives, I say I am a weaver of words, a Watson for the human language, when really, I’m just a writer. I think his work is noble but he had some crazy ex-girl friend who dumped him because he made some middle-class sum. She turned out to be a lesbian so I’m not entirely too sad at her selfish departure.

Before now, you could ask me a million things about love, life, the future and I could tell you down to the second what my plans were and how I was going to get there. Somewhere between Phoenix and Dallas, plans changed and I am here yelling at a dog that looks like a football sized cotton ball, sucking up scrabble pieces with the vacuum yet again, and wishing things would never change.

By the time I was in my mid twenties I had kissed a few dozen men. I needed to keep my skills sharp, my commitment limited, my lips soft. I found with him, kissing stopped, conversation started. Our fist conversation was about sex. I still wonder to this day how we managed to talk sex without actually being semi perverted or even saying the actual word. To an outsider we could have been talking about Ghandi’s pilgrimage or my neice’s 3^rd birtday, it was simply astounding. He knew it and so did I.

Even when he’d leave for work I’d feel this sudden urgency, like a premonition of something terrible, but nothing ever happened. He always came back, kissed my cheek and it was fine. I was fine. I couldn’t imagine being one of those military wives who had no idea where on God’s great earth there husband was at any given moment. If he was dead, or alive, how long it had been since he ate or brushed his teeth.

2 nights later I found myself sitting on the toilet in our bathroom all of my clothes still on, pants up, sitting on the toilet, humming. I hummed, the melody, so familiar, so simple. It was a song his mother used to sing to him to help him sleep. I hummed louder, rocking my body back and forth to the rhythm. I hoped that it would help me sleep. I could hear the dog’s claws scraping at the closed door. I closed my eyes and sobbed.

I think I knew it was too good to be true before I even saw the end. I read him this quote once about the person you will marry. The quote melted on my tongue like butter, he was silent well after I had stopped reading. “I know what they mean.” I knew too. The quote says you marry who you do because they see past all your crap, you can no longer get away with anything, and for some reason you aren’t mad, in fact, you’re impressed. You think, well done, ladies and gentlemen we have a winner. And you stop looking.

I made that all up now Im thinking. The clock still reads red 6:07 am. I listen for him humming at the toilet. It is silent. I reach across the bed and caress where his body lay so many nights, familiar and warm, the mattress worn to fit his body and his alone. I remember the first few nights after I tried sleeping in his spot. I layed so still my breathing startled me in the silence. I tried to take smaller breaths as if that would make the suffocating silence decrease. The dogs jumped up beside me and I didn’t push them away. Their dissapointment at finding me and not their papa lying there was as poignant as a pained child. “Im sorry,” I whispered to them. Finn curled up agaist my rib cage, he usually ran from me, but he understood that now, more than ever that I needed him, that some how he could fix this, even just a little. We laid, breathed and tried to fill the void.

The next day I went to the shop where we bought his watch. He demanded that he pick his own watch, I obliged, after all he had to wear it. It had always been heavy but today I was certain it was made of solid gold, heavy, priceless.

“can I help you maam?

“I want this sized.” I said laying the watch on the glass

“For?’

“Me”.

“This is a man’s watch, perhaps I can interest you in one of our female styles?’

“This watch is fine.”

“And what about the owner, doesn’t he want this watch?” He said this to me like a child who has just been scolded for a mundane thing.

“The owner” I gasp, “ gave it to me.”

I watched the man behind the counter take out link after link

Sometime later I left the shop, his gold watch, the familiar tick, cool gold, loose enough to slide off without touching the clasp, good thing too, I could never figure it out.

Revival of the Old Blog-a-Roo

2011-10-06T16:19:00.000-07:00

GUTEN TAG!!

I just wanna take this chance to thank my trove of faithful readers who have stuck with me through this anti-blog hiatus----- That's a shout out to my 2 faithful followers, (you know who you are... # Paisersmama/Broboy).

For a few years (almost 3 to be exact) I've either been off talking about Jesus with strangers, being corrupted by the liberal ways of higher education (#my dad), or stalking mostly unfamous, totally married, yet deliciously talented musicians.

Whenever one takes a sabbatical, it is usually in the name of self-discovery and personal growth, I however, return to these pages having gained only one piece of wisdom.... blogs are not just for fairytale married Mormon "hubbies and wifeys" to update their fams on their super cute adventures in the exotic land of dental school. BLOGS ARE FOR EVERYONE. So ha.

In short. If I feel that my egocentric cup is a little low...I'll come here. I'll tell you.

Or as a wise old German woman once told me,

"Mach den Topf leer!"

Aka- eat everything in this pot or I will be totally offended.

I figure life is like a pot of soup meant to be eaten until you vomit, if only to make a little old woman smile. This is me, making soup. EAT UP.

Today I spent a majority of the rainy afternoon reading things that make me laugh and I thought to myself, man I miss making people laugh, which in reality is just me, making me laugh. I figure if it’s not funny to anyone else…at least I got the joke. And other people are just stupid.

I find that most humor comes from everyday life. In fact, I am so convinced of this, that most of mission journal consists of character sketches of people I found irresistibly hilarious, people I could not have made up myself if you had paid me. True characters. I may have missed the purpose of missionary journals, but you know, I have a freakin treasure trove of hilarious characters should I ever actually sit down and write that book I’ve been meaning to write since I was 12….

I think if people saw the humor in the every day, there would be more peace in the world. No matter how awkward the situation or how often I think “ man, sucks to be that guy”, some how feel as if I am watching a little bit of myself in that moment. I am startled/ discomforted by this recognition…. And yet, in these moments of mild humiliation it’s kind of like seeing an old friend. Hey I know you, glad you could make it…now please leave.

My desire to write is completely inconsistent. When I feel a need to do so, I need to do it right then or the genius is gone. Writing is very real to me, it is very alive… stories have an agenda of their own, and we the writers are simply the conduit through which theses stories find their voice. Sometimes I feel like a very lucky mommy, that a story has chosen the womb of my psyche as its place of nourishment and livelihood. This is striking me as very Freudian which is never good so I will stop with that.

I have no really story to tell today it seems, and that’s ok. I’m starting a project… its most-likely temporary name- will be something like…”Stuff I feel like writing about, that you may or may not feel like reading, nevertheless furthering my own agenda and divine egocentrism”. CATCHY.

Today’s Agenda:

It’s a soggy Utah fall day. Some people wake up angry, so people wake up surprised. I wake up STOKED. Do you have any idea what this means? If you were thinking rubber boots, scarves and layers, you would correct.

2 Rules about living in Utah

1. NEVER EVER pack you warm clothes away. I don’t care if it is June 5… it will probably snow. Don’t think you know better than the wheatear and heaven forbid don’t think Kevin Eubank has any idea what is going on either. He doesn’t. He is hypothesizing. Nothing more.

2. LAYER LAYER LAYER. Last year I made what might be the best purchase I have ever made. I went to candy store on crack (no, not the Gap or the Vans store), the other candy store known as REI. It’s not like I actually bike or canoe or anything, but it’s the IDEA that if I wanted to, I COULD at any moment start and REI would lead the way.

Anyways, I bought long johns, leggings, spandex, whatever you want to call them and they were TEAL. Good one on you REI. Good one on you. I wish I could wear them on the outside of my pants they are so cool. Staying warm never looked so rad.

You can always tell who is experiencing their first Utah season change, I find myself wanting to say to them “You’re right, it is totally cool that Tom’s are biodegradable and in about 40 seconds when that cloud dumps 6 inches, their going to melt right off your frozen feet. I bet that does suck when your “I heart Pink” umbrella snaps blows away…I guess that’s what happens when something is made of underwire and lace.

For real kids. This is Utah. Its called layers. Better luck next year. And for the record I LOVE rain boots. LOVE LOVE LOVE them. Jeggings and rain boots are my new PB & J. And although he may or may not have had anything to do with Jeggins and rain boots, im giving the cred for today’s Word Vomit to Steve Jobs. I probably wouldn’t even know what Jeggins were without Apple products…. Or Amazon.

But that’s another day, another case of Word Vomit.

22 days are gonna fly!!

2008-10-01T21:20:00.000-07:00

Life update: Its freakin October already!! That means a few things of note in the life of Hayley Jensen:

First off, Happy birth to my mother Kathleen, a dainty 25 years old. I love you Mama, my best friend, the one I will miss the most while in Germany hands down. Happy birth also to my Benjamin. I adore you. You and your guitar have brought so much joy to my life. Oh, and happy day to my eldest brother Nathan- I love you even if you are brilliant (for which I hate you... a little).

Happy halloween to one and all. I ran out of costume ideas about ten years ago so I am glad for the excuse that I will be in the MTC that night.

Speaking of MTC: 3 weeks is on kids! Is it just me or does that sound crazy? It totally hasnt hit me, but when it does I will probably have a melt down. I keep trying to wear my really crappy jeans, hang out alone alot and do things I will otherwise be banned from come the 22, but I will be honest with you... I kind of just want to leave. Ha! Sure I will miss life and freedom and men and Dr. Pepper, holy jeans and my Vans. But well... cant wait to go!!

Other October Gems:

The leaves changing colors!!

I dont know if it is awesome everywhere. but in Utah, fall is quiet possibly the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. So much red, yellow and orange it burns your eyes! The cool air is just perfect for nice hikes up the canyon and lets face it, hoodie weather anyone??

General Conference:

This weekend its conference- thats like the Grammys of the Mormon Church. The Prophet and all the apostles in one room for 2 days- a cornicopia of spiritual awesomeness and divine guidance. If you have never done the challenge, DO IT.
The Challenge: before conference carefully think about and jot down some questions, any really, about life, doctrine, whatever and IT WILL BE ANSWERED. GUARANTEED.
I have done this every session for about 5 years now and it has yet to fail.... plus it helps you listen better. Cant wait. Love it. NeXt....

Aggie Football:

Why would I ever consider this a gem you ask? Well, clearly, the team is NOT a gem, but being in Romney, eating a snowie, singing the "Scotsman?" That is a gem. Seeing my best friend and other half JP is pretty much the best thing ever, as well. Miss you JRParoo and cant wait to see you! PS: when BYU wins my dad is really happy, I like when he is happy so again I thank Aggie football.

Last note: I am totally whipped------- I love Kohner and Hadley Brown. Played mommy for my nephew, age 7 and neice, age 3, tonight and well.... I'd die for them ten million times. If anyone wants my heart ever, lets face it, cant have it, call the Browns if you want it. I love you Hads and Doodie- NEVER EVER FORGET that. Like we talked about I'll be gone for 2 Christmas's, then I promise to come back and sleepover again. Thanks for playing with me and being my best friends. I hope you never get too old for "Auntie Kissy Monster." You can sleep on my couch when your parents drive you mad- they will- and I will be there.

We may be near, we may be far, but our love will surround us wherever we are.

Promise.

Trying to find somthing

2008-09-11T22:22:00.000-07:00

Every year I get a little bit older I find that I am more confused about who I am and what I want to be. Isnt that a little backward? Suddenly I find that I am grown up and must stop saying "when I grow up I am going to..." because I am there. That time is now and I am still lost. If children become grown-ups, what can grown-ups become??

Since I currently have no idea what I am doing with life I think I will make a list of things I am borderline obsessed with and see if I can mesh them together to make a career or some sense of direction for myself.

My Future In a Nutshell

1. I abseloutely love Harry Potter. That book series is the most ingenious thing I have ever beheld. How can one writer possibly come up with so many characters, details and bits of history, mythology, etc. and make it flow through seven books? I'm really Rowling is half writer, half genius. I could talk the details all day but I wont.

2. Anything Ryan Shupe. Music, his mandolin and fiddle, the concert at Thanksgiving Point, creating my own line of Shupe merchandise that he doesnt but should sell ( ask about my 1,000 Times Tee and other ideas) and improving my already impressive attendence record- 37th show this saturday.

3. Multi-Cultural authors or books especially the Middle East such as my all time favorite- "The Kite Runner." Fiction or non-fiction the culture and history of Pakistan, Afganistan, India etc, is so rich, so unique I can't help but be fascinated by it.

4. Baking different kinds of chocolate cake. In the past few months I have made 4 kinds of chocolate cake. What a fascinating medium to explore, cake and I love chocolate.

5. CSI Las Vegas. Oh Griss how I love thee. Gil Grissom is my all-time favorite television character. He's brilliant, witty and unique. He is admired by his friends and his enemies. He proves himself and all the other CSI's even when he cant hear a word they are saying. And lets be honest, the unspoken but oh so obvious Sara/ Grissom love is enticing.

6. MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC
Lately I love- Lady Antebellum, TJ McCloud, Metro Station, Josh Gracin, Joshua Radin, The Color Fred, Kalai, Jack Hody Johnson, Hellogoodbye and Sam Payne. Check them ALL out. A musical cornicopia is a must have for all humanity. The art of music has failed if one can simply categorize themselves as a fan of country or hip hop. All music should be appreciated for what is brings to the listener, how it adds to their identity and helps them to become or understand who they are. There is no genre capable of doing all that.

7. The Book of Mormon. What a cool gift that book is. I could read it 300 times and still find application for my life. There is such a power when you read it, it just lifts the soul and inspires curiosity. The BOM is depth and simplicity in harmony. Read it and think about it often and you will see what I mean. If your whole life is not better for having read it you can kick me in the head for every word in that sacred book. There are so many promises and tools within the pages, Id even venture to say that it surpasses Harry Potter and the Kite Runner in awesomeness and ingeniousness. (That cant be a real word!)

8. Snowcones. I have talked of snowcones before so I will be brief. Delicious ice flakes, drenched in tropical sugar water.... eat one and it will make you happy, in fact it will make you so happy you wont even care that you spilled half of it down your shirt as it melts.

9. My family. Sitting in a circle talking favorite memories about my dad for fathers day. A lesson on the blessings of the temple. Hadley being in love with Parker. Kohner as a 2 year old saying everything with a German accent, Ikey thinking school is "Damn Good!" Seeing Jake holding his son barely seconds old. My mother being the best thing I will ever have. Being terrified as my father seems to age before my eyes, forgetting things, not hearing things. Hoping beyond hope that my brother will remember who he is and come back. Laughing so hard I cant breathe because I have the funniest family in the whole world. So thankful we are eternal and I get to come home to them again.

10. Late night conversations with JP. How we can seamlessly move between the hillarious and the sacred, our greatest fears and proudest accomplishments. Laughing at everything because we can. Admiring her for being so much stronger and braver than anyone I have ever met. Lucky to have her as my best friend. My HSLM. Seeing everything I ever wish to be and knowing I can because she believes in me. Hoping I help her to be a better person. Wishing I could repay her. Knowing I never can.

11. String Cheese. Nothing even needs to be said.

12. Watching really lame movies in the middle of the day alone in my parents basement with all the lights on. This is my favorite down-time ritual. I love a snack, a drink and a really terrible looking film picked up from the library. I dont know why I do it, but its kind of my thing. I dont get it.

13. Recalling memories. I love my memories. I love journals, scrapbooks, facebook albums, old text messages and emails. Anything that takes me back to a different time, many great memories, some terrible, many pointless, few life-changing. I could think about lifes adventures or talk about them with a friend for hours on end and never grow faint. I love a good battle of "Remember when...."

14. Anything having to do with Utah State University or Cache Valley. I love it all. My blood runs aggie blue and that will never change. How lucky I am to have gone to school there. That is where my heart is. It is who I am. I want to see USU do well, to thrive, to open doors and inspire possibilty in others as it has done for me. I want people to go there and find themselves, to be changes for the better, to make it their own. To be as happy as I have been.

Go Blue or Go Home!!

2008-09-02T19:46:00.000-07:00

I am a person of habit. I have compulsive ways in which I live my life- the order I put in and take out my contacts, the specific width and weight of my favorite writing pen, my borerline unhealthy love of Ryan Shupe music, Dr. Pepper and string cheese.

I often as myself if perhaps I am getting predictable and boring because I love the same things over and over again. It takes me only a moment to realize I really don't care. There is one place I find myself returning to over and over always losing and re-finding myself. Cache Valley is a place, but for me is has also become a symbol for me; A symbol of my happiest moments, my greatest struggles, where I know I can always come back and it will feel like home.

I got to back to Logan this weekend for the first time since I left in May and my welcome could not have been anymore beautiful. It was dusk as I rounded the last hill that would open my view from Providence to Preston. The sky was pink and warm and off in the distance the "A" shone blue. I was home.

I was happy to spend some time with my best friend in the world JP and my old and dear friend Melissa. It was bittersweet to spend time in the apartment that JP and I were supposed to share, starting the traditons and memories we could have made together. But I feel lucky to have been included even for a few days.

This weekend was also the first time I got to see Justin Schmidt since his return from his mission a few weeks ago. Justin was one of my best friends my first year at USU. I will always love our scooter gang, "Fandango!" and laughing almost all the time. I wondered if we both had changed too much to remeber our former bond. Nothing has changed. He still makes me laugh more than any other person, he is still one of the best conversationalists I know. He still makes me happy. How did I get so lucky

to know so many amazing people?

Anywho, the weekend was rad complete with hippie tie die, an 80's dance, a pfzookie from firehouse, latenight stupidity and priceless conversations with JP, a bonfire and some sweet

impromtu olympics. Best of times

where the sagebrush grows!

Mien Hovercraft ist voller aale!

2008-08-20T23:28:00.000-07:00

GERMANY!!

(My hovercraft is full of eels! ) and other useful German phrases I get to learn.....

Sister Hayley Jensen has been called to serve for a period of 18 months to the Hamburg Germany, German speaking mission.

Well after all of this waiting it finally came! My mission call came and well.... it is totally awesome!! I never figured Europe for even a second let alone German! As you can tell by my excessive use of exclamation points I am just a little bit excited!!

I report to the Provo MTC on Wednesday October 22, 2008. I hope to have some sort of sweet shin dig before I go and a farewell talk. Anyone that can come should, I'd love the support!

Forgoing tradition I chose not to have people over to open my call. In Draper the mail comes late in the day typically around 3 or 4 so I helped my mom at the school until about 3 and then made my way home. I assumed the mail would come at 4 but thought I'd check the mail just in case. I opened the box and there it was.... the infamous white envelope.

Needless to say I was tearing into the envelope on my driveway. Eventually I made it to the living room where I read the place and the language. After a moment of shock I read the whole beautiful letter.
Amazingly I didn't really cry. In fact, I laughed. I could not have foreseen Germany in ten million years but what a pleasant shock! For a girl who has never left the United States, a year in beautiful Europe is not too bad!

So far what I know about GERMANY:

- Hamburg is the 2nd largest city in Germany ( behind Berlin)
-It is a huge sea port
- The Hamburger originated here
- It has temperatures ranging from 80 in June or July to the negatives in January/February..... sounds alot like Logan, Utah.... Ironic!
- In German, W sounds like a V

Hopefully I will learn more in the coming weeks and years. For now I am excited and anxious to learn. I believe that I was called where I was for a reason. I look forward to doing the work that I have come to love, I look forward to losing myself in the service of my Heavenly Father. I know that with his help I can be an aid in the gathering of scattered Israel.

Go Forth With Faith
Serve With Valor
Return With Honor

Drewdles Returns and other things I was not prepared for...

2008-08-17T14:04:00.000-07:00

Drew and I 2006

I can't believe that my final friend is home from the mish! Andrew got back yesterday from 2 years in Cuernavaca, Mexico. He called me right after he got released, funny kid. I thought he had been home a few days but he was just taking off his tag as we spoke!

Needless to say I am SO SO SO excited for him to be home. Drewdles has been one of my best friends since I was 16 and he is probably the most selfless person I have ever met. The first time I met Drew it was like seeing an old friend after years apart, like we already knew each other's lives and needed no introduction. He gave me everything, his friendship, his black-faced relic watch, his heart. All of which I took for granted. All of which I will spend the rest of my life trying to re-earn.

He forgave me.
It is I who still cannot forgive myself.

I went to him homecoming today and saw a man on that stand. I saw a man who finally knew that he is a son of God, that the Gospel has the power to change, to heal, to make whole. I saw a man, confident and unafraid Where a self-conscious boy once was. My heart seemed to explode with a love that has been neglected for so long. What a beautiful creation that man is. If only I had seen that when I was 16.

My heart aches, but more than that ache I am filled with awe, that a loving Heavenly Father would bless me with friends who would see passed my all-too- common selfishness. Bless me with friends who would still care for me even when I have failed each and every one of them.

I am undeserving

I am so proud of you Drew, so proud. You are a far better man than anyone has ever given you credit for. You are my example, my friend.

It seems I am never ready for the great epiphany's of my life. I did not expect Andrew to walk into Jenna's living room one night, I did not plan to go to Utah State, or serve a mission. I was not ready for any of it, so what if I had been ready? Where would my path have gone or be now? Would so many casualties lay in my wake, so many broken hearts to pay the cost of my life lessons? Would the ache in my chest and the fear of the future cease to exist? How I wish...

My good friend Benjamin once said that mistakes can be beautiful. I hope that this is true because I rarely get things right the first time. I hope that the actions of my future will heal the wounds of my past for those involved. For me.

The Eternal Perspective..... waiting for the call!

2008-08-12T23:18:00.000-07:00

If I am lucky my mission call is currently sitting in some cart in some post office to be delivered to my house this very day! If I am unlucky, which is common, I have another week to sit and contemplate possible mission destinations. Hope for today!

My thought of the day is short and simple. The Eternal Perspective.
As I have waited (very patiently I might add) for my mission call, it has seemed like a very long process. In reality it has been maybe a month since I actually decided to go on a mission. In the Eternal Perspective, this waiting and the 18 months that I will serve, are essentially not even a blink in my existence. The amazing thing is what we gain during our waiting time or our journey.
I look forward to the next 1.5 years of my life. I have a feeling they will be the most influential and valuable years yet. I have no doubts that my work as a student, employee and most of all wife and mother, will benefit from my time spent in service to the Lord. How short and simple it seems to give up 18 months when compared to the eternal gifts that may come.
How I wish that I viewed my life and the choices I make more often with an eternal eye, than with my human impatience. I think this is one aspect of God that is so amazing. He rarely just hands us things and living in a drive-through world makes His way so frustrating at times. Yes McDonald's is crazy fast and convenient, but is it any good? No!
You mothers Sunday roast has been cooking since 8 am and its now 6 pm. Is it delicious? Of Course!! Worth the wait and work? Of Course! If only I had an always eternal eye to see things for the here and now to grow, but the distant eye to perceive potential.

I have also been reading the BOM more often then ever before... what a cool book. I have always believed it to be a good and true book, but it is truly taking the counsel to feast that has made it so much more real to me. I crave time to read it. Oh how I hope that craving only grows!

There is so much good from the Gospel, I feel privilege to know that and to be able to share it. Good better best. That's all I'm selling. Best.

I'm anxious for the mail to come. Whatever my call, I hope to do well. Thanks everyone for the love and support. I know I get preachy and annoying but why not share what we know? There is no answer to that question!

YSA Summit and Noah's Big Day!

2008-08-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

So this weekend I decided I needed to have an adventure. Parker was at a family reunion so I didn't really have many plans. I decided to go to a YSA Summit at the University of Utah. Friday night I ventured (alone haha) up to see Kalai play. I was determined to force myself out of my comfort zone and make some new friends.
Needless to say, it is scary being ALL alone with a couple hundred strangers. Nevertheless, it was not long until I met Fabio. Fabio is an amazing Brazilian who had the guts to strike up a conversation with me. He was awesome to talk to and introduced me to some of his friends. It was so fun!
Saturday my nephew Noah was baptized by my father. It was a special experience to see a young boy testing out for the first time, his faith in a loving Heavenly Father. Although he is young, I know Noah could tell that being baptized was important and that it would make him feel happy and good. I admire his faith and example. I could not have more love for anyone than I do for my nieces and nephews. I hope that Noah remembers how much God loves him and will support him throughout his life.
After that I was able to go back to the U and take a few classes. I took one on feeling the promptings of the Holy Ghost and another on dealing with the trials of life. It is very nice to feel the spirit in the middle of the day on a saturday. For some of you that may be old hat, but for me that is rare and it was so nice. The Summit is essentially EFY for big kids as I call it. It made me miss my days at EFY, where I not only got to flirt with many cute boys, but where I truly can say that I began to understand my Heavenly Father. It is there that I learned to recognize the Holy Ghost testifying truth to me. It is those first feelings that I have turned to time and time again when I have been filled with doubt in my life.
Saturday night I met up with an old friend from highschool, Milena. She is one amazing girl. Being around her is so comfortable and fun. Together, with some other gals, we went back to the U for a dance/ carnival. We had a blast dancing, playing games and meeting new people. I also got to spend some more time with Fabio and his friend Ken. Amazingly, Milena is also from Brazil so I had fun listening to Fabio and her speak in Portuguese for some time.
I think its so beautiful when people speak in another language. It makes me wonder if I will get to learn another language in the coming weeks. We will find out Wednesday if all works out, because that is when I should get my mission call!! Am I nervous?? Actually, no, not really. I may be when I see that I am speaking Swahili in the jungle.... until then... pure excitement!

Someday I will have 2 dogs

2008-08-07T21:27:00.000-07:00

Someday I am going to have two dogs, one named Nargini (after Voldemorts snake in Harry Potter) and the other named Bruce (after Bruce Wayne aka batman). People seem to like Bruce but not so much Nargini. Sure the snake is pure evil, but it is also powerful, devoted and brave. Bruce- well batman is the man, hes brave, creative, wealthy,smooth and totally studly. Makes sense to me. That was just a thought.
Well my days at KSL are coming to an end. My Kindergarten Countdown segment aired on Wednesday and I must say it was cute! Not life altering in anyway but still a nice rookie piece. My mom and teacher we charismatic and fun and I cannot thank them enough for their help and insight. I am a little sad to leave Studio 5 now that I am getting the hang of things and starting to find my place. The other side of me is still unsure if broadcast journalism is the job I'd go to work for free for.
I am still waiting for my soul to recognize the work that I am meant to do. Reslife has been the collegiate equivalent of that for me. I would go to work for free any day if it meant working with RHA,IACURH or RA stuff. Fall training begins this saturday and my chest literally aches at the thought that I will not be there. Don't get me wrong, training is boring as sin most days, but I'd sit through it for 50 years if it meant being with my friends, the pro-staff who I have come to see as family- Rich and Megs, Brit. I will most likely take a day or two and hit Logan just to fill, even for a day, the void I have had since choosing this next path.
I was hesitant to join housing in the first place. In fact, I was terrified and now I just cant see me, without it. I hope this next adventure does the same- begins as a scary mystery, slowly morphing into pure passion and love. What is the God if not passionate and loving?
I miss Utah State. What a blessing my education has been. You will find no one with more pride than me for their school. I see old main and my heart swells, I hear the too familiar Scotsman and my arms raise to the sky, I see the A license plate and recognize a symbol of my home. This was where I was meant to go, I knew that the moment I stepped on the beautiful grounds. I cannot wait to go home again.
I am struggling with my decision to go on a mission right now. I know its the right thing to do. I feel a burning in my chest when I think about it. But it will not be easy to leave my life behind. This is one of those moments where I go forward with faith, to serve with diligence and hopefully return to something better than I left. Missionaries are promised blessings for faithful service and I will do my best to deserve those blessings.
There I times I wonder if I am strong enough to do this and I probably am not alone. But lucky for me God has a bigger plan than I could ever think of. I am relying on him to lead me forward. Once I actually have my call I hope to feel a greater sense of purpose instead of watching everyone else go back to school and move forward with life. Its supposed to be hard I guess, I just hope the passion I felt when I first made the choice, will continue to sustain me. My resources are running low but when you know, you just do and that is my plan. I know I have so much to gain, but what I am losing is very close to me too. Which will be better?? Time will tell.

Too True

2008-08-06T22:05:00.000-07:00

Quite possibly some of the greatest lyrics ever written. TJ McCloud how I love thee.

"What'll She Look Like"

what'll she look like when she opens her eyes
and sees what she wants to see
instead of this cold mirror's lies
and all the pieces complete
she says with a sign
"I think I'm ready..."
what'll she sound like when she opens her mouth
and all the phrases sound right
as they fall out
and she says "yes" and she's not
scared of the sound
she says she's ready
will she be soft will she be strong
will she be ready to be wrong
will she move too fast or wait too long
will she look me in the eyes
what'll it feel like when she opens her heart
and finds that there just might be
a small missing part
and whether with or without me
she has to start getting ready
what'll she look like when she opens here eyes
will she see just what I see
will it be a surprise
to see that she hasn't changed,
her eyes are just a little wider now
and she's getting ready

Every dream that I ever had, you're that and so much more

2008-07-31T15:25:00.000-07:00

I had to work it out, I had to throw away my doubts, I'll be everything you need and every part of me is yours. Your love has set me free, this hearts free to be, everything you need. Everything I'll be. Your patient love, you gave you stuck, and now I'm ready.

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. One of my favorite statements and one of the most true. What is with people and making plans anyways? Life is unpredictable, people have agency, they will let you down or surprise you when you didnt think they would come through. Life is choices, thats it. Sometimes my choices break hearts while others set me free.

I expect that life will continue to place fork after ever lovin fork in the road and I will have to choose which way to go. I imagine that Frost and I discussed this poem at some point in my former life.. .

. The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

So much of my life is changing in the next year and so much of me wants to come back to everything just as it is now, and yet more of me knows that life is change. Nothing will be the same as it is right now in this very moment. Hayley, you fear commitment he says, you will never settle. Maybe he is right. Maybe I fear less than perfect. Maybe I fear less than everything I have ever dreamed of. Dreams are never crimes.

I imagine that I have been in that very yellow wood that Frost knows so well. I've been there and I don't plan to ever leave. So far this path has been my friend. I've had moments where the sun drips like honey all around me, and other days where the path has been totally washed away and I had to guess which way to go. Other days, woods have been alive with familiar faces to keep me company, to ease the silence that weighs down on me, or to just listen as we walk down the path.

I'll come to a place in the road where it forks off in a dozen directions as far as the eye can see. A sign post at the edge of my trail catches my eye. A dozen arrows point every way, the destinations all the same : WHEREVER YOU WANT. As I contemplate the curious sign, I realize I am not alone in this clearing.

A man sits just at the base of the sign pole, head down peering between his knees.
"Excuse me," I say approaching the man timidly. He looks up startled to hear another voice, almost imediately his shock melts into a smile. He says nothing just laughs quietly to himself shaking his head. He stands and and wipes the dirt from his pants.
I want to ask why he is laughing but I know I don't need to.
"Took you long enough," He says cupping my face in his hands, "bout put my bum to sleep."
I open my mouth to protest and he cuts me off pointing a finger directly into my face, "But I knew that, didn't I."
" Have you been alone this whole time?" I ask peering into his still smiling face.
"Heaven's no little girl. It's been packed up until the last...... while."
"And you have just been sitting here since they all left?"
"Sitting? Never sitting. I was working, getting ready for you."
"What have you been working on?" I ask peering around the clearing expecting some project to appear out of the foliage along the trails.
" Same thing as everyone, I suppose."
"Which is....?" I prod when he fails to continue.
"Unimportant." He sees the look of confusion wrinkle my face.
"Everyone else had their someone. A million times they said, she's not coming, skip out with us." He laughs sitting back down on the ground and patting a spot beside him. I move and sit down, our legs resting side by side.
"But I knew better. I said, you don't know her like I do. She'll be here when she is ready."
"It was a very LONG walk." I smile pointing and flexing my toes feeling my muscles stretch.
He sits smiling at me for what seems like an hour.
"How did you know it was me you were waiting for?" I ask quietly.
"So where to now?" I ask peering around at the dozens various trail heads.
"I have my someone, so wherever we want."

Love List Numero Uno

2008-07-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

So on Studio 5 ( the show I intern at) we have this little thing called love lists. Every month or so we come out with a list of things we love- obvious right? Here is my love list right now. I know this is useless info but sleep sounds so boring....

1. Parker Daniels. I just love him. He's basically amazing in every way. He is always prepared, always cheesy and always makes me happy.

2. Hadley Faith Brown. My Niece is 3.5 as of yesterday and could easily be a personified angel. Freak she is cute!!

3. Tropical Snow- their snowcones use the fine fine ice that melts on your tongue. Delicious!!

4. Shake It- the song by Metro Station

5. King Benjamin from the BOM. Talk about one studly example of a great leader. We can thank him for the reminder of "When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God."

6. Self check-out at the library. I go to the library like once a week. If anyone needs some good books I have a list.

7. My Oreo Bundt Cake recipe. Could give the Costco chocolate cake a run for its money. I will bake it for you if you want.

8. Dinner Group: My friends are just a joy to be around, even if they all sold out on me and married before 21..... but really. Those are my favorite nights.

9. Ben Blaker originals. I can't help it, I love his songs, the fact that a majority of them had something to do with me is besides the point.... but a nice detail. Pretty sure "You're beautiful, so beautiful...." is always in my head.

10. Aaron Echart. If you have seen Batman, No Reservations or Meet Bill, he is the studly blonde in all of those films. He stole Gotham's heart and mine.

11. The Dark Knight. Totally creepy, totally amazing. RIP Heath. I hope you get a lot of awards even if you are dead. "Why So Serious?" Despite the fact that Christian Bale seems to have gone through double puberty in this film, still loved it. Still think we should all stick it for Heath.

12. Jon Dalton cuz I got to see him last week!! FACE FOREVER!

I must learn patience....

2008-07-23T23:43:00.001-07:00

I turned in my paper 9 days ago.....9.... and I still have yet to meet with the Stake president.... I am GOING INSANE! I just want to get out there! So much to do and so little time. I cant shake this sense of urgency that I have, its like if i dont go fast I will never go. Where is the faith in that? I know, I know, all in God's time but its proving hard to get on the same page.....
Another sign of God's sense for humor: today Parker tells me he is probably going to Utah State now. What?! I freak, you cant go to Utah State without me. Thats my school, my home and you choose to go NOW? Now that I am leaving! Talk about torture. So now the 2 people I love most will be in Cache Valley while I am off being amazingly spiritual. Not a bad trade I know, but still hard to chew.
This phase of life is proving just as interesting as my last chapter but I think I might fare better this time because I have some faith on my side. Man I love my religion. I love to talk about my religion. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints- is that beautiful or what? Even if you dont buy into my beliefs you have to admit its nice to think about-
- I believe I get to be with my family and friends FOREVER. Its not goodbye, just see you soon.
- I believe I have guidance from a prophet just for this day and age- someone who knows God even better than me
- I never have to feel alone because I believe I can talk to God whenever I want and he listens to me
- I feel happy and hopeful because of my beliefs
- I believe God has a plan for me. One I understand when I am listening for it.
-I believe when I die, I get to be with the ones I love and especially with God somewhere amazingly lovely!
- I believe bad things happen to good people. Those trials help us grow. There is purpose in everything.
- I am most happy when I remember and stand up for these beliefs

I want to serve for many reasons, here is just one: The Gospel makes me happy. I want others to be happy.

I am just one voice, but one voice can carry far.
He was just one voice, but one voice that changed the earth.
One but not alone, a thousand voices sing,
praises to on high, of our Master and our King.
With one voice.
One Voice.

On my mind....

2008-07-11T18:48:00.000-07:00

I havent blogged for some time. I dont really have time as I am on break at work so I will talk fast.... I just miss hearing myself write....

Anywho, a few additions to the Summer Playlist 08:

1. I kissed a girl- the first time i heard this song I thought- this is the epitome of society at its downfall- alas I like the song although it is society failing.
2. Thanks for the Lemonade- who sings this song? No idea but love it!
3. Anything by the Director particularly "Alive."
4. Ryan Shupe's 1000 times- its an oldie but man... he's good
5. Paul Cardall's randition of I love to see the temple from his Primary Worship album

Next:
I am having a particularly awesome week. I worked alot, things are falling into place for my 2 segments for Studio 5. One airs on August 4, the other on August 28. I will let you know more later.

I went out with my home teacher this week. The fulfillment of an age old stereotype made this adventure all worth it. I loved it for that reason alone. It doesnt hurt that he is tall blue-eyed and entirely eccentric either.

Pretty fun week with the Blaker coming to town. It was awesome to have another Ben Blaker guitar session last night. What a talented kid. I missed POL more than ever as Ben played some of my favorite musical gems.

I realized just how amazing my friends really are. How lucky I am to have them and how bad I am going to miss them. We all leave for seperate parts of the world this summer and who knows when I will see them again, if ever. We are growing up. We may outgrow eachother but we also may learn to stretch and grow together. I will hold on to this hope for the time being and hope reality agrees.

Time is up at work. I get to see Ju this weekend for the first time in maybe 3 months and I cant wait!! Until later.

The Posse of Love

2008-06-10T18:33:00.000-07:00

SO I just ended an amazing and exhausting week. My favorite boys in all the world all came to Utah in the same week. I knew Benjamin was coming but Josh and Ry had me convinced (and sad) that they would not be able to make it. Lo and behold tuesday evening Josh and Ry waltz into the shop and my heart stops--- literally I thought I almost died. I almost burst into sobs I was so happy and so mad at the same time. Nevertheless, they came, all of them for one magical week.

I dubbed this group of boys the Posse of Love because well.... I love them. We love eachother as only the best of friends can. Joshua G-Side, Ryan Christopher Cowles, Face- Jon Dalton and Benjamin Blaker are the best guys ever. Its pretty rare to be the only girl in a group of boys but I love it and I would never want it any other way.

What I love about the Posse of love:
1.
I am pretty much the only girl.... im spoiled
2.
These men practice chivalry on crack- they are almost too kind, too certain of their roles as men. They fight over the check, ben carries my purse. Its lovely.
3.
We are PDA champions. Its impossible to fight with eachother when we just hug it out. You need a hand to hold? They got ya. Someone to cuddle with? They will be there. I love their hugs. All of them.
4.
We can all be ourselves. We met in circumstances that have let us be 100% us from day one. That will never change. Ryan can yell in public places, Joshy can make all girls swoon, Benjamin can attempt to get the ladies with his "Im the Director" line, face can talk to total stranger for hours making us wait for him almost all the time.... who cares.... we still love eachother.
5.
They make me laugh. I cant go 20 minuets without laughing so hard im about to pee... sick but true. They are funny boys. Perverted at times, plain awkward at others. A hoot.
6.
They will be my friends forever. I know things will change when I or we all get married and go off into the world, this is particularly true for me as the only girl, but who cares. Today and now I have 4 of the best guy friends in the whole world. They know what true friendship is. They prove it to me everyday.

Face and G-side leave the country this month, Ben is back in Idaho and Ry and stranded in Colo....our lives are seperate and changing but will remain the same for one reason alone- we need eachother.

I love you guys. Thanks for making my life. No really.

Why I write

2008-06-02T12:12:00.000-07:00

So we have a girl coming on Studio 5 next week named Lindsey. I found her blog and on it she talks about why she wanted to be a writer. I thought, man this blog sounds alot like my life. I get up and go to work at 2 jobs that I enjoy at times, but nothing has inspired me more than writing. At this important phase in my life I am struggling to find work that I have a true passion for; work that I would go to work for free for. Though I will never give up writing, I wish I could just get paid to blog in the real world.

Every passion has a spark that starts it, for me, writing began as soon as I was able to write. I remember sitting at Salt Lake Institute, always the last child at the table slowly writing my daily plans into a black and white steno notebook. I was the slowest, I could not spell and many of my letters were backwards. It was frustrating, but I wrote.
In my free time I would write my own stories alone and with my friends. In 2nd grade my friend Kate and I wrote a story about a boy who lived on Free Willey's the killer wales back in a bubble. It was a terribly creative plot for 2 small girls but it was our world and we loved it. Things came to life in stories, things I could not create otherwise.

I owe my writers fire to two teachers I had in my life: Ms. Kenner my 5th grade teacher. She had a write stories often. I liked using the National Geographic magazine pictures and making up the stories behind the images. I wrote one story "Gonna and the Salmon Ceremony" and it was the most ridiculous thing I have ever read, but I loved doing it. Kenner said I had a way with words, a real talent and to never stop writing. She gave me many opprotunities to write and helped improve my vocabulary to be a better writer.
The other teacher was Ms. Alsop my 7th grade english teacher. I wrote things in that class that she said were impressive and that I would one day be a famous writer. I believed her. I still believe her. She taught me about the short story, detail and character development. She moved my from regular english to honors. I felt I could do now what so many said I could not in the past.
I have dreamed of being a writer for over a dozen years now. Is that not amazing? If only to say you had a dream, an ambition, a purpose for so long?
What a beautiful thing, words. So much nothing that when put together just right becomes everything you could ever need or want. Words are it. They are all we have. They advance society, they slow it down, the move what could not otherwise be moved. They heal what is broken and they transcend time. Thats the key. Transcending everything. Writing has the ability to totally capture a person, a soul, a mind, a heart and yet be so outside of them, its not even them at all. Make sense? I doubt it.
It doesnt matter. These words are mine. They can mean somthing to you if you let them. If not, they are still mine. perfectly endlessly flawed.

Hayley's master mix summer 08

2008-05-29T18:51:00.001-07:00

I am at work tonight having completed all of my tasks. Usually I blog with an idea in mind, tonight however, I am blank. Here's an idea, TOP SONGS I THINK ARE THE SHIZ SUMMER 08.

1. # 1 by Hello Goodbye.... I like where we are, when we drive in your car
2. The tension and the terror by the straylight run.... the possibilities
3. We werent Crazy by Josh Gracin
4. # 1,3,4 and 10 and RSRB's new album Last Man Standing
5. This Side by Nickel Creek
6. Around the Clock by the Rocket Summer
7. If you didnt love me by Phil Stacey
8. Love Dont Live Here anymore by Lady Antbellum
9. With you By Chris Brown
10 No Air by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown
11. Apple bottom jeans
12. Jump On it.... bom bom bom bom bom.... Jump on it, jump on it!

This is pretty much my mix of the week. Things may change over the summer, but for now, this music is making me pretty dang happy. Most of these songs are not new, thats the amazing thing about music, it has application in your life at so many times. At least that is true for me. I'll add to the official HAYLEYS MASTER MIX as the summer progresses. Any suggestions, let me know!

The NACURH expereince

2008-05-24T22:57:00.000-07:00

SO I just got back from my national conference NACURH at OSU in Stillwater Oklahoma. It was my first time in Oklahoma and my last time perhaps at a NACURH Inc. conference. I feel it is a great time to reflect on the past 3 years I have been affiliated with this group.

What a joy it has been to work with, serve and befriend some of the greatest leaders this world will ever know. People do not understand what it is we do at a "housing conference." Yes the Res. Halls united us, but really, NACURH and IACURH are opprotunities to develop leaders like nothing else can.

These leaders are the underdogs it seems. The few who may not win a popularity contest, or a hot or not award, but they are the leaders who lead because they love to serve. Because they have caught the vision of something greater than themselves. I too share that vision.

I was fortunate as a freshmen, to have an advisor who has a vision beyond my own. She opened so many doors, and Tiffaroo, I thank you forever. My 2 years as NCC and one on the board have been my best memories of college and some of my most treasured of my life. I will never forget dressing up like a freak a few times a year, Hey IACURH, Hey What?!, collecting my beloved pins, making some of my best friends and ultimately watching people change. Watching someone catch the vision, to see more in themselves and the world around them.

I would not be the leader I am capable of without my time in the region. I would not relate to people, be as open, curious or compassionate. I would not be as daring or confident, I would not be as happy.

I owe great thanks to Tiff for always having vision for those she leads and pushing me outside my box. Thanks to USU for funding this dream of mine from every conference and for my beloved No Frills 07. The biggest thanks Dr. E Hash, Benjamin, Ry, Face, Diva Dollars and the whole E-board. To everyone who has sat in that boardroom the past 3 years, what a journey and a joy. Thank you.

Drive on IACURH, Drive on!

Reflecting on age 20

2008-05-03T18:59:00.000-07:00

So this blog started out as a blog for work but I've decided I am going to keep it up so the few people in the world who care what I am up to can read it. Blogs seem to be the trend for the newly married folks in the world, but why outcast the not- quite married kids as well?

Midnight tonight marks my 21 birthday. A friend of mine commented that birthdays are a great time to reflect on the past. This past year in particular has been one that I will never forget, though at times i will wish to.

This is the first birthday I recall actually feeling the influence of my age. 20 is still cute, with room for error based on naievity and pure stupidity. By 21 however, we are adults, we know what is right and wrong and we have no excuses. With this newfound mantle of adulthood, I am both excited and terrified.

The things I will never forget about age 20:

Kevin Thomas Dawson. That sums up my whole year alone. Every thought, wish, dream, plan, fear and pain I have felt this year revolves around that man. Right now I sturggle to see the beauty in all of this, my heart is broken. This would be perhaps the first time. Someday, when it doesnt hurt to breathe anymore I will remember only the good; the beautiful smile, the roses at random times, his innabilsity to keep a secret, his ambition for all things good, a kiss that takes my breath away, flying kites,feeling more love than I think I will ever have in my whole life. Being 100% myself with him. Breaking my own heart and letting him go. Watching him marry someone else. Attempting to feel happy for his joy, but feeling my heart break all over again. The bitter-sweet moments, when everything, my table, a smell, my very face remind me so much of him. Moving forward.

JP. She is my roomate and I love her so much. She's been the one constant friend in Logan. She is good for a laugh,pure stupidity or the deepest level of understanding and curiosity I can imagine. The poor girl has been stuck in the middle of what feels like a divorce and she has never once complained or picked sides. I wish I were more like her, and since we are clones, its pretty close.

Colorado. 2 of my greatest friends and best memories hail from that state. Ryan and Josh have meant the world to me this year. Not only are they amazing men, but they remind me of my strengths as they have been nearly impossible to find.

My religion. God and I have had our battles this year. I dont take no for answer very well. I am still learning humility and to trust in Him, but I know he is there for me no matter what is going on in my life. I have felt it and I know it. I wont forget that my prophet died this year too. I cried for a good 20 mins even though I know he deserves a break. I love that man. I will forever revere him and admire his legacy.

Really 20 for me has been one big learning experience. At times I have felt like Job, the trials have just come in ceaseless waves but so have the lessons and the blessings. I am better prepared for the future because of the past year of my life. I hope that 21 brings more opprotunity to grow, a chance to heal, the courage to move forward and the peace to forgive.

March Madness, Jensen Style

2008-03-27T12:29:00.000-07:00

March is proving to be an interesting time in the life of Hayley. A relaionship rollercoaster to say the least. You think you escapre the drama once you leave highscool.... I thought I had but I was wrong. Same drama, just more years of life expereince making the drama seem even more stupid and thoes involved even more ridiculous.

In honor of my own March Madness, here is the top ten reasons relationsips are bad in March:

1. There is no ambaince to the season, snow is melting, rain is falling, the lawn is mud. Its just ugly.

2. valentines is over, you spent all your money and energy on something amazing and now everyday attempts at romance just dont cut it.

3. Somedays the sun shines and you step outside in your capri's only to realize he is white and you are harry from a winter in pants. so you go back inside and wait until june.

4. The end of the school year is approaching so everyone who failed to date this year is trying to squeeze in one last chance at a relaionship before may, just to say they dated.

5. Professors recognize how hormonal everyone is and decide to drown students in work, essays and tests to help reduce the dating chaos. This fails and so do the students.

6. Everyone who got engaged in december is planning weddings. The rest of us who did not get engaged pretend to be happy for our friends, roommates and neighbors but secretly we hate them.

7. Utah State Men's Basketball has ended by this time, so all the ladies who have been pretending to date Jaycee Carrol and Tai Wesley for the past 3 months, are out of luck.

8. Spring Break hook-ups, while awesome, remain just that, hookups. Some how the chick you dug in Mexico, late at night, at a bar, is not as appealing in Aggie sweats, sober, whining at you to take her to dinner. Its sad, but true.

9. If you are Irish, super, this month is awesome, you will probably get tons of action, but lets face it. Most of us are not Irish and even if you buy a shirt or pin that says you are, you know its a lie. Give up. Your luck had better change, or better yet, your entire genetic make-up.

10. The number 1 reason I never date in March: People are either really good looking with no self-esteem, or really funny and nice but well, sweet spirits. Stop looking for validation people and figure out that you are awesome. This needy crap has got to stop. PLEASE!

Top 10 things I wish I were doing for Spring Break 2008

2008-03-05T18:59:00.000-08:00

Being the poor student that I am, I do not get to go on a fun spring break trip this year. Actually I am saving for a sweet trip to Cali this June... so its worth it but still painful. Here's what Id rather be doing.

1. Going to my favorite city on God's great earth, BOSTON, with some friends/ co-workers who really are going

2. Going to Arizona to hang out with my friend Bear. Bear is amazing. I could very well be in love with him. Too bad I botched that one and we dont even speak. The joys of lifes lessons.

3. University of Washington. Why another school? Because I have some amazing friends who live there thats why. And I have never been to Seattle. No Grey's fan can be a true fan without that trip.

4. UCCS- Another school- Colorado Springs is where 2 of my best friends in the whole world are. Everyone knows and loves Ryan and Josh. In fact, I bet YOU know Ryan and Josh. That city is beautiful enough said.

5. Hawaii..... cuz its PaRaDiSe

6. St. George Utah- its close, its cheap and its crazy this time of year... plus its warm. I wouldnt mind the sun for a time.

7. Road Trip to anywhere with Face- I have a friend named Face (of course that is not his real name). Face and I love the time we have together but it is rare. I would love some time with him, blastin some Boondocks and HSM. which leads to numer 8...

8. Anywhere with the whole IACURH E-Board- I love this group of people I serve with on a regional student council. You can do some cool things in college, this is by far my favorite. Anywhere with Dr. E Hash, Ben, Troy HASHIMOTO and his Diva Dollars, perhaps stay at La Quinta.... as long as we dont "motion" and we MoVe... we will be fine!

9. Sea World- I have a thing for wales and that water ride they have there is pure fun for hours. How often to you get to touch an animal that sleeps with only half of its brain at a time? I cant do that. Awesome!!

10. A Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband concert- all hall Utah's most under-appreciated band and my favorite band ever.. RSRB is sick funcadelic bluegrass to make you high... on life. Never get enough of them... NEVER!!

A few things that give me Aggie Pride

2008-03-05T18:40:00.000-08:00

Now I am proud as anyone to go to school where I do. It was my father's favorite band the Beach Boys who said it best- "Be True to Your School." Never before has this statement been more true than for the Aggie's. Here are a few things that I am dang proud of:

1. Jaycee Carroll- Now that is one fine athlete. I like to call him Midis because if he touches the ball, its gold. If he's in the game we can all breathe easy knowing our man is going to make some magic happen. There is no better feeling then when Jaycee lets that ball go soaring from way bay and everyone knows its gonna glide but we all still hold our breath and then..... the Spectrum erupts with cheers! I love that famous 3 point gold! I also almost get a little teary when the crowd gets all into the chant of "Jaycee Carroll... clap clap clap clap clap clap." You say it boosts his ego? He earned that ego. Yay for that ego.

2. The school song and the Scotsman- I hear that music play and I cant help but stand with pride, hand on the heart or doing whatever I feel constitutes a salute at that moment.... that last note of "Where the sagebrush GROWS!" is one of the ugliest, off-pitch beauties i have ever heard. Just you wait, spine tingles.

3. Old Main- that building is crazy cool. Not only is it all majestic and Harry Potter-esq up here on the hill, but it has a crazy history. Half the dang building burnt down once. There once was a gym with a swimming pool that we dug up last year no one even knew was still there, the Anthropology Museum was once a chapel so students could have some religion and such. Its kind of awesome.

4. Big Blue and the dude who plays him- the other night at the game they unmasked Big Blue. All my years here I wondered who was cool enough, brave enough and pretty much stupid enough to dress up like a bull all these years and you know what? They unmasked him and i was grateful to that guy Roy. He never once got credit for his stunts or all the time he had to spend. No one knew. well i bet some did, but not most. Props to that guy for sure!

The Spectrum demands RESPECT!

2008-02-06T18:07:00.000-08:00

If there is one thing I love about USU, it is the Spectrum. The Spectrum is the arena where my beloved Aggies play b-ball, gymnastics etc. Every year crazed fans anticipate the showdowns that will take place on that very floor. The Huntsman arena and Cougar Stadium have nothing on the Spectrum. That building and thoes who call it home DEMAND RESPECT.
Most friday or saturday nights students jam into terrible yellow and orange plastic seats to watch one more team fall to the mercy of our house. Our fans our loud, RUDE and famous for it. Perhaps we should be ashamed of rude chants such as " You, you you you you you you you SUCK!", "Airball!", "Stupid, Stupid!" "Take his whistle" (for a particularly stupid ref), "You will miss it, You will miss it!" etc.
However, I am going to be honest, thats part of the fun,and I think even if we yelled compliments, the sheer volume and reputation of this court would shake teams to their core.
I love Aggie games and I will well after I leave. It has been an honor to watch the feats of Nate Bendall, Chaz Spicer, Jaycee Carroll and the man Stu Morrill. Anticipation for the havoc we will reek on the b-ball court makes being one of the less awesome football schools, bearable, at least to some degree.

Accepting Change

2008-02-06T18:01:00.000-08:00

If there is one thing I do not do well, it is accepting change. I dislike change when it in inevitable and I dislike it even more when someone else controls that change. There is a maturity that comes with adulthood people say, they say that little boys will grow out of the things they do and that little girls will grow out of the whiny drama-queens they so easily become. For most people this is true, for some people, being a little boy in a man's body is their sorry lot in life.
Call me a cock-eyed optimist for wanting to believe that every person has some good in them. This belief, that I have held since I was three, is slowly but surely being dashed and that totally sucks. I am amazed that in adulthood some people are still so selfish that they throw everything away to prove a point that they themselves dont even understand. Amazing. So if anyone tries to tell you that "they" grow out of it, hope you got one that really did, if not, you will just be one more sucker decieved by the little boys of America.

Epiphany

2008-01-26T16:19:00.000-08:00

I pretty much lead a lame life, that is what I have decided. If I a life worth talking about, a blog might be a good thing to have. I am also discovering that this thing I have been calling writers block for the past six months is actually called no writing ability. This new information has come as somewhat of a blow to me since the only thing I feel I somewhat enjoy or excel at is indeed writing.
I am starting to think that my story reservoir is drying up, my imagination is wilting and it is time to get a new dream. This is a moment my fiction lecturer would call a moment of "epiphany," where the character (me) has a sudden enlightenment and with it an inevitable and somewhat painful loss of innocence.
The more I dabble in this journalism business, the more I think perhaps it is a road I can and should pursue. I really cant imagine a more fun job then a human interest writer for newspaper of magazine. Perhaps my imagination is ungifted, but my ability to form ascetically pleasing sentences is not. I wouldn't mind spending my time traveling and testing out accommodations from a travel magazine or writing reviews on food, ski resorts, or bed and breakfast joints.
That is the beauty and sometimes torture of college. You come with some idea of what you want to do, like me, to be a writer and then you realize that its way harder than you thought. Or sometimes it is way too boring or nothing like you planned. So you change plans. I guess that's all this college business is, learning to deal with and accept change. Never liked change, but maybe it will help me get a good job. I might change my opinion, who knows.

I'm the Full Beard, you're just peach fuzz

2008-01-20T21:39:00.000-08:00

So I was forced into going to a gig over the weekend at The Retro House. The headliner was one "Calvin Smooth." With a name like that, one is asking to be critiqued heavily. It either takes a really confident person, or a total social reject to pull off a name like that. I know Calvin, met a the kid a time or 2 through mutual friends and needless to say, for being a white rapper, the kid has got somthing special.

The Retro house is a literal house on about 800 N. in Logan, just below campus. Apparantly a bunch of guys live there and invite bands to come play free shows. Its a small house that truly is retro, from the sign above the door as you enter, to the red shag carpet througout. Needless to say the house was packed with bodies. Being petit I weaseled my way to the front where Calvin and his band would play.

The band was good. Calvin on keyboard, his younger brother on lead vocal, a guitarist and a sax player. The real deal was Calvin Smooth, himself. Calvin is not some Eminem copying white kid wanna be, hes got witty lyrics and verbal agility to amaze. I did not want to be there, but needless to say, by the end of the night, even I was singing along, chanting call backs and wondering where I could get this kids CD.

Amazing what funny things you can find around this place we call Cache Valley if you just take a minute to explore and perhaps risk being a little uncomfortable.

Check out Calvin Smooth on Myspace or his sweet video for "Peach Fuzz" on youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Mr0Y1xsy7k

Not so bad this week...

2008-01-16T16:55:00.000-08:00

I am having a good week I think. With the new semester afoot, I am exhausted 24/7 but that is the life of a student/workaholic. Here are the few things that prove that this is indeed a good week.

1. I am taking my first news writing course. In the 8th or 9th grade my journalism teacher told me that news writing was not my thing and to probably find a new thing to do. His lack of faith in me has weighed upon me to this day. Why in heaven's name would you become a journalism major then, you might ask? Answer: It is the only way I can write and guarantee that I get paid. The stories in my head, while amazing to me, may not sell to blind children in Indonesia, let alone in the U.S.
Back to my topic. Intro to news writing: We were asked to write an intro to a news story. Literally the first two sentences of a piece about a friend in the class. My 2 lines took me at least ten minutes. I wanted them to be perfect, to not look stupid. I got that paper back the other day and it said "Good job, Hayley." Instead of the big stamp Pease threatens us with and a million red marks that I feared, I capitalized hip hop and the rest was good. He said so. Good! This small feat has pretty much made my week.

2. Housing has a Returning Resident Campaign every year to re-talk residents into signing up to live on campus. Every year it has a theme such as Uncle Sam's "We want you" to live on campus etc etc. This year the big wigs of housing held a contest. I entered. My idea won. I admit the idea is not super. I bet anyone could have come up with it, but I wont lie, its kind of cool, plus I got $50 for it. Not bad for a moments work.

3. I might get an internship with my favorite radio station 101.5 the Eagle, a country station based out of Salt Lake. I get to talk to some lady on Friday about it. This is my first step to earning my way to free concert tickets for life! There are a few things in life I feel i know something about, writing being one of them, country music being the other..... Sweet!

Ding Dong Ding Dong Christmas Bells are Ringing!

2007-12-29T21:34:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe the holiday season is coming to a close yet again. It seemed in elementary school that december seemed to lag forever and the holiday could not come faster. I could not wait for my mother to put up the advent calendar on the side of our fridge, the symbol that meant it was time to start counting down to Christmas.
This year I feel old. The holidays flew by, I did not count one day on a calendar and I am still not sure what day of the week it is. I used to love being shocked by at least a dozen or so gifts under the tree and now.... I buy my own gifts and my mother tells me that I owe a year in car payments thus putting me about 1000 bucks in the hole.
Now I am not complaiing. Holidays in old age 20 have their perks. There is nothing more adoarable than a 3 year old opening her 18th dora the explorer gift.... i swear i saw 3 of the same things but no no... that dora was wearing a pink tutu this one is purple. I also love the smell of this season. Christmas at the Jensen home smells like homemade chicken-noodle soup w/ fresh made noodles, caramel popcorn, also homemade and the smell of snow. Our house looks like somthing out of pottery barn thanks to my fathers obsession with frank lloyd wright and pier one.
Im going through a list phase and until it ends you get anoter one. This one belongs to my 10 favorite things about christmas 2007 and my least favorites as well. Happy Holidays!

Favorites:
1. Making my mom cry from laughter. Just being with my mom who is my very best friend and greatest treasure.
2. Hadley my 3-year old niece. Gods greatest cration thus far. She has a thing for Indian Jones, playing her "atar"(guitar) and is identiy confused weather she is Dora or not.
3. The Nutcracker with my mom and older sister and the really nice place we ate and.... still smelling like garlic 14 days later
4. Chicken Noodle Soup and Caramel corn
5. Having time with my cousin who wont be able to have GNO (Girls Night Out) for much longer
6. Kissing under my first mistletoe
7. Getting nails done,shopping and just being with Whitney, my best friend even though we are on different paths and knowing that things will not change
8. The Kite Runner Movie... my favorite book now an excellent film as deleicious as the book
9. The wonderful people in my life who do so much for me
10. Jesus, because really its kind of His holiday and for that I am greatful to Him. Forever.

Least Favorite
1. Some really tough conversations and choices in 2008 looming
2. Learning that my 2 cousins will both be wed in 2008 leaving me feeling left out
3. Being sick the whole entire time, a record length in an almost absurd way
4. Missing my family on Christmas eve... but things worked out for the better
5. How nasty dirty my car is
6. 1000 in car payments
7. feeling old wondering where to magic went
8. Only working out once.... can you say new years resolution?
9. Hurting many feelings
10. being more confused about life than ever

When I am sick I....

2007-11-29T13:24:00.000-08:00

A warning list for anyone who comes in contact with me when I am ill.
I am rarely sick (the first time in about 2 years) so when I am sick, it wipes me out for a good week. anyone willing or crazy enough to encounter me during this time should be warned: it is NOT a pretty sight.

When I am sick I:

1. Get even more mean and selfish than I already am. Known for my one-track mind, my less desireable ME-centered attributes shine forth unrestrained and in all their glory.

2. I to lay very very still with hoodie up over my ears, a down comforter and few fleece blankets for comfort. Yes this practice increases my fever and places in a state of mild comatose, but oh how lovely it is!

3. I love a good book.... normally a good sappy romance or somthing entirely outside of my current life to wisk me away while using the least amount of brain cells possible. (Suggestions: The Time Travelers Wife, Bridget Jones' Diary, A Thousand Splendid Suns).

4. A little trick I picked up from my dear roommate... the age old orange juice served WARM. Might sound sick but it soothes throat and congested chest while provided needed vitamin C.

5. A massage is always nice. When muscles ache from a cold, relaxation can be met with a fully body rub down. It may be hard to find someone willing (consider mom or a boyfriend). Tension from illness or your all-too-heavy backback can really make the wellness process slow down.

6. Need a huge box of PUFFs by Kleenex. I find it morally wrong to use the cheap stuff when I am ill.... in fact anyone that used say toilet paper to wipe their nose.... no friend of mine... unless its Charmin... but... no.

7. I do not want to go to classes that talk about things that are over my head. What constitutes "over my head"? To name a few... buddaim... buddaism as bases for poetry.... anyhting with numbers greater than 5....

In Short..... I am not a good sick person, so until I heal... leave me alone.

When People Lose It

2007-11-16T10:22:00.000-08:00

So, I have been having one of the worst weeks of my entire life. I have been more busy than ever before (my own fault thanks to the fact that I am a workoholic) and I can't seem to catch a break! I want to teach everyone out there about a rare disorder that is not diagnosable until it has created a full-fledged epidemic and there is nothing you can do about it. This disorder is called "Who-Ate-my-Roommate- itus." (WARI)

What is WARI?

It is a disease where your roomates social skills, ability to communicate, and all sense of logic ceases to exist resulting in them hating you for arguments you never had.

How do I know If my roomate has WARI?

You don't. One day they just wake up and they hate you. Here are a few common signs:

1. They stop talking to you

2. They only respons in grunts

3. There day is always "horrible" and they have "10 million things to do, 5 tests, and a classmate with rabies"

4. They communicate only in written notes or through everyone BUT you, ABOUT you

5. They lose their ability to sense when they are no long whispering and you can hear everything they are saying

6. They usually have an accomplice who is equally as prone as them, if not worse, who will worship them

Is there a cure for WARI?

Probably not, but if anyone finds one, please let me know ASAP

What can I do if I know someone with WARI?

1. Pray to whatever God you so choose for help

2. Kill them with kindness. They will glare and grunt. You will live.

3. Live your life. It is your parade, they dont have to rain on it.

4. Be the happy they refuse to be

IACURH 2007- ASU

2007-11-13T16:30:00.000-08:00

It has been too long! Well, in my absence I have been at Arizona State Universtiy attending a conference called IACURH. IACURH is a really long acronym for Intermountain Affiliate of College and Universtiy Residence Halls. In short, it is a conference for residents and employees of on-campus housing. They make a conference for that?! Why?!

As off the wall and entirely stupid as it sounds, these conferences bring people together with a common interest, where they live, and help them to develop leadership skills, programming ideas and all in all to have the best time of their lives.

Any school from Idaho to New Mexico can come to our conferences. Each school sending between 3 and 20 students. I used to come as a representivie for the Aggies, but last year I was elected to serve on the regional board of directors. I now oversee some amazing students, and even better, sit on a board with 9 of the most amazing people I have ever known.

We spend 5 days trying to make living on campus a fun, educational and most of all memorable expereince. We cheer loud, we dress the drag queens, pirates, army dudes, whatever we want, make new friends across the US, win awards for RA of the years etc. and we never ever sleep!

Check out the IACURH site for more details on our happenings!

www.nacurh.org/IACURH

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elvhpOBpNOk and cehck out our regional roll call from this past week... on youtube too... Im the far right... its a bad dance!

2007-11-02T12:00:00.001-07:00

Dan in Real Life

2007-10-28T18:15:00.000-07:00

I recently saw the movie "Dan, In Real Life" with the charismatic Steve Carrell (The Office). Being a semi-enthused fan of "The Office", I was curious to see Carrell in a role far different from that of Michael Scott. Not only did I love this movie, but I found Carrell to be hillarious, touching and downright charming. The humor in "Dan" does not compare to the "Office" but I still found myself laughing often. Overall I would rate this film a 4/5 (out of 5) and I will be buying it when it comes out on DVD!

Wisdom from Dan:
"Love is not a feeling, its an ability."

Steve Carrell can be cute when not playing Michael Scott

The second row of a movie theater is slightly uncomfortable

Big happy families thrive in lovely New England beach houses

Clowns with chainsaws and other fall fun!

2007-10-14T17:49:00.000-07:00

This weekend was kind of aweseome for a few reasons. It was one of those weekends full of stereotypically fall goodness and fun. Friday night, as all good college kids do, we searched the coupon book for a cheap dinner. After that my beau and my best friend McKenzie decided to carve pumpkins. It has been a few years since I remember carving pumpkins and I really loved it. Its messy and smells so richly of the season, I had a blast. We learned that we are entirely unartistic and should never be trusted with large knives. we also learned that pumpkin seeds baked with a little salt are delicious!

Saturday I stayed in bed until noon just because I could. I went shopping with some roomies and we learned that denim jackets are really not in which is depressing as they are a staple of American fashion. Being the overly spoiled girlfriend that I am, Kevin bought me a dress and a, dare I say, hot pearl-button down shirt, black.

That night we hit La Beau's, one of my favorite burger joints in this neck of the woods, and a corn maze. There is somthing about corn and pumpkins at night, that just screams fall, october. Consequently, it was a haunted maze with chainsaws galore that scared my roomate JP so bad that she screamed at least 3 times. I must admit it was fun to be scared, minus the one time Kevin ditched me and left me to be attacked by a clown with an electric saw.... SCARY!

We learned that we have no sense of direction, that corn mazes are really truly mazes, and that running into the same spot 6 times is very depressing. Fun weekend!

Grown Up

2007-09-27T16:18:00.000-07:00

I have this roommate, we shall call her Sue for confidentiality. Sue is the craziest person I have ever met. I spend 80% of my time with her wondering how in the heck she comes to the conclusions that she does or where she came up with the nonsense pouring from her mouth. I spend the other 20% of my time laughing. To say the least she is the most humorous person I know.

She is the prime example of what it is like to be entirely comfortable in your own skin. She has a way of being confident without being cocky, and proud of who she is without being vain. I find myself more comfortable with who I am as a result. Today she discovered what it means to be a true adult by using the Quicken program to monitor her money. Who knew that dividing expenses from income could offer such a defining sense of self!

I wonder if I will ever feel grown up. I wonder if I will ever make enough to actually need Quicken, instead of my fingers to do the math. I am in college and while it is socially acceptable to have less than ten bucks or less to call your own, I seem to barely make a car payment or fill up the tank of my car.
For Sue, Quicken has drawn the line between adolescence and adulthood. What is that line for me? Is it the day I stop eating s'mores cereal or laughing at Laffy Taffy jokes? Or is it when I get over the fact that my mom knows everything and I stop calling her every other day? Or is being an adult the day I trade in the old slip on vans for some leather loafers and my beloved USU hoodie for some Banana Republic pea coat? scratch that..... I will never get rid of the vans.

I almost forgot... we had homecoming last weekend and I just wanted to say that it pretty much was amazing! I conveniently have an adorable man friend to dance the night away with and I can't deny the fact that he looks kinda gorgeous all dressed up. The best thing about dances around these parts, is that there are several dance floors and a few live bands to fit any musical taste and offer a fun variety. I must admit that we preferred the big band/ Frank Sinatra sounding band. I have a thing for Frank.

The first day of the rest of my life

2007-09-11T15:57:00.000-07:00

September 11, 2007

Welcome to blog one of perhaps a million that you will see from this desk in the coming months. In this cyber-savvy world that we live in, it seems that the every-man voice is getting more hard to hear, thus the creation of the blog. As far as I am concerned, I am a writer, born and bred with a story worth telling and you, you are an information-starved reader who has wisely chosen to spend some time seeing the world through someone Else's eyes. Mine.

So welcome, I hope you find not only what you are looking for but perhaps something more. I hope you find something that makes you think, makes you curious, makes you laugh out loud or hope for something more. I hope most of all, that by being exposed to my stories, that you own will become more valuable, more relevant and more true. After all, we are the storytellers and it is our job to capture the human experience the best we can. This is my attempt.

No one gives you instructions on how to properly blog. I think that that is the beauty of the whole thing. I find it easiest to relate to someone when I know a little about them so here goes....

I'm a student in my home state. I am vigorously in pursuit of a degree in Public Relations and English. I work hard for my school, it is in that work that I have found who I am and really who I have the potential to be.

I'm addicted to snowboarding and wake boarding, hiking, biking and really anything in the mountains I love so much! Of all the books I have read, the Kite Runner and a Thousand Splendid Suns by Kahled Houissini are by far the best. I love my family and a few close friends.

I believe in God. I believe in music and the divine creation that is the Ipod. I laugh more than is necessary and have a tendency to be sarcastic when provoked. I don't respond well before 9 a.m. and I can't live without Dr. Pepper. I work hard, I play hard. I'm happy... What more is there?